Game of Thrones – The Witches of Eastwatch


Game on! HBO swerves all the internet with its newest episode of the Game of Thrones. Did Jaime die? How wrong was I on the Tarly thing? Does Brann drop the figurative axe on Little Finger whilst Arya drops the literal one? All this and more coming up…now.

We are teased by the Wall and Eastwatch and immediately brought back into ‘Oh yeah, that ginger Wildling guy is still a thing’ land. However, the end scene with Jaime and Bronn in the water is the clear winner here.

The first few moments, are all about Jaime. Bronn calls Jaime a naughty name. Jaime pouts a bit and realizes just how f’d they are and just where Bronn draws the line–apparently, it’s dragons. We cut to Tyrion, Jaime’s brother from another mother (okay, the rumor is Tyrion might not be full Lannister and I’ll leave it at that). I still think Jaime will end up sacrificing himself for his brother, but maybe that’s just my hope of his redemption.

Daenerys offers a lot of Lannisters and Tarlys to bend the knee. Almost all of them do, but the two idiots with a named role. Tyrion tries to talk sense into the guy and even tries to allow him to take the Black. Instead, he takes a sword up his bum. That’s right, turn them to Ash. ASH, I tells ya! Somewhere Rick Grimes is wincing (but when isn’t he?). It looks like ‘like father, like son’ and Sam is about to become the ruler of his family. Randy and Dickon are about to be flame broiled in the movie. I believe this is a call back to the book and, let’s be honest, they got what they deserved.

Getting what they deserve is what we all wish for Cersei. Cersei, dressed in her daddy’s garb, seems to be a bit insane. Jaime breaks the news the best he can and she doesn’t want to hear it. Even when Tyrion is cleared of killing his nephew, Cersei is slow to believe it. In fact, the only thing she seems to fixate on, besides Jaime’s golden rod, is how to kill more people. I’m not sure if she’s a sympathetic character (if she ever was). Let’s face it, the only time we actually cheered for her was when the High Sparrow was pulling his stunts. I think Joffrey took after his mother in more than one aspect.

I was going to spend more time on Cersei, but Jon is about to ride a dragon. For those who don’t read, the dragons are born to imprint on people (more or less) and they imprint for life. Jon’s dragon would, not ironically, be his father’s namesake. Daenerys looks on with wonder and a bit of, well, lust. It seems she realized what we all were fed for a few episodes–Jon and her belong together. They make the ultimate celebrity, let’s call them Don. Hmm…no, wait…we’ll come back to that one later. The Bear moves in for the cockblock. One day, Jon will get to tell everyone just how unfigurative Davos was talking in regards to that dagger to the heart.

Holy crap, that’s one big meeting of White Walkers. I haven’t seen that many White Walkers since Donald Trump’s inauguration. Too soon? The maesters discuss how best to ignore the only person who saw anything of the world. I don’t think this is realistic, though. Think about it. Who would believe that a group of old white men would sit around a table discussing things they don’t know about while thousands die for their errors? That’d never happen in real…oh wait…

A dwarf and a eunuch walk into a bar…and hatch a plan to bring the Army of the Dead into King’s Landing. All they need is a smuggler, a dead man, two avocados, a circus clown dressed as Fozzie Bear and a dwarf. With Jon not bending the knee but sticking to his guns, Daenerys starts to show how much she likes him by wanting him to stay with her. It was a sweet moment and one that shouldn’t be glanced over by the casual watcher. Daenerys has a history of looking for men she thinks can be her equal–not in power, but in morality and spiritual strength. Jon brings that and much more; the question remains is–will she be able to realize it before it’s too late?

Arya digs into Sansa’s head better than Little Finger ever could. I like this scene because it breaks down Arya into something more than just a killer. She is a killer, but not one without a sharp wit. The Faceless One is strong with her, but Little Finger is way better at this game and methinks the young Wolverine is about to get snipped.

Bronn reunites two old friends and it’s everything we ever hoped for. Tyrion shows his true self for a few moments and the acting is strong, I mean, this could have been Hamlet baring his soul, and it would have had equal weight. The correct question isn’t does Jaime believes Tyrion, but rather does Jaime have enough sway over Cersei that she will not immediately use Tyrion’s head as a chamber pot.

Davos finds someone that has a slight bone with Cersei, mostly her former husband’s son. You know, the husband she had killed and the son she also ‘had killed’? Yeah, he’s back and none too soon–I made a prediction back in Season 2 that he would be the one to slay the Queen and let’s see how that plays out. Davos also just sold a stock of Spanish fly to the guards. I’m not sure if that crab makes them see purple like Viagra does (allegedly) but…Stop! Hammer time! Dammmmmmnnnn, that king’s bastard can swing (like father like son).

Back in Kook’s Landing, non-poor people edition, it looks like Cersei knew about Bronn and Tyrion. She wants the meeting to happen because she wants to rope Daenerys into her clutches. Speaking of clutches, she’s pregnant. Oh and insane. Her end game is the Mad King’s endgame. Burn them all. Ohhhh! Does Jaime kill her, too? That’d be worth the price of admission.

Two bastards meet in a cave. It seems that Jon doesn’t have to be king all that much, but Gendry can make a great claim to some of the southern land. He isn’t Cersei’s kid, but at least he is the King’s own son, which is more than we could say about the last two rulers. This assumes, everyone doesn’t get themselves killed trying to find a single White Walker (I hear they are taking off to Charlottesville).

Sam gets to find out Jon’s lineage–almost–if he would just stay still long enough to do it. The last time I saw an awkward fat man move that fast and sneaky in a library, well, it was me circa 1991, and the JcPenny catalog just came out. For you ‘olduns’ out there, you know whats I’m talking about. Oh, and Sam steals some books and rides off. This is the second time he has run away from his ‘duty’ in order to serve his people. He thinks he is a coward, but he is rather brave–if he would just stay still long enough to realize it.

Arya is about to go all Wolvie style on Little Finger. He is either playing Arya with all this cloak and dagger bit, or he’s about to get splayed out. Since this is the penultimate season, I am guessing he’s playing her. Let me guess, make the super secret note point away from the truth so Arya can find it and do your bidding? Right? The creepy smile on his face suggests I’m right.

With the five minute warning, we see–finally–Eastwatch. How many queens? Two. The one who has dragons or has sex with her brother? Both. Witty dialog aside, this is turning out to be one big dysfunctional family reunion. The Hound, the Lord of Light, the Brotherhood, the Red Priest, one disgraced knight, the two bastards, the smuggler and the ginger Wildling. Once again, Jon demonstrates his faith in humanity because, as he says, they are all breathing. As they step through the snowy gate into a winter hell, it puzzles me that neither of them thought, ‘wouldn’t it be easier just to kill someone?’. I mean, wouldn’t a random prisoner do? Why go that far for a White Walker when you can make your own?

What a great scene to end on. They teased it from the beginning–the magnificent seven going out into the white death to bring the world a bit of hope–even at the cost of their lives. While Little Finger and Cersei play the game of thrones, this motley crew are putting their lives and complexion on the line to stop Death (or at least GRRM) itself.

Death is the enemy and one that always wins…


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