The Game of Thrones is back with a new episode and a new SPOILER ALERT from your old pal Jim. Remember last week when I said Bran was doing some super creepy stuff saying how he thought his sister was pretty whilst getting raped? Well, I think we all were hoodwinked by the writers on that one. Let’s recap–Bran says he is the Three Eyed Raven, right? He says he can see all of Time–but he’s not very good at telling where in Time he is seeing (yet). That wedding of Sansa’s that Bran saw and described? That’s not to Ramsey–you’ve heard it here first–that’s actually her future wedding to none other than J….now, I can’t spoil everything, can I? For some things, you’ll just have to wait and see.
Jaime and company are on the march and the Taryls are in tow. It seems that Bronn is still sticking around but it can’t be just for the gold, can it? I rather liked his character in the book and the show isn’t too different. I think he ‘sold’ Tyrion out a bit too fast, but it is interesting to see him interact with Jaime. The contrast between those two and the Taryls is obvious–one is a battle hardened duo and the other is a bit fancy pants. I really need to review the books, though, as I am pretty sure one of these fools was already dragon food by this time in novel land.
We switch over to the banker and Cersei. She’s going to have a great pay day as long as nothing bad happens to all that gold her brother is escorting over. I mean, what could possibly go wrong, right? It’s not like they are marching an army after sacking a city and putting everything from food to gold into one small area. I’m not sure if this is Jaime’s ego getting in the way or if he is ‘under the gun’ to deliver the goods to his sister, and for once, I don’t mean to have sex with her one of their various children’s coffin. So, she’s paying back the payday loan to borrow more? I’ve seen that work in Vegas a lot–pay off one payday loan just to get another. Wait, did I say ‘see it work’? I meant it is a bad idea and shows her own ambition with cockiness.
Speaking of dicks, Bran is back and he’s all ‘hey, I dig you, girl, I’m just someone else now’. Maybe I over thought that Bran was seeing Sansa’s future wedding thing. Maybe he’s a right dick now. Come to think of it, wasn’t he always a bit of a git? Arya is back and she slips the guards of Winterfell in a moment of comic relief. How Sansa takes the news of her sister coming back is yet to be seen. The last time those two were together, they weren’t quite friends. They both ‘gone through a lot’ since then, so who knows? Who knows seems to be the theme here because, in the crypts, they embrace by their dead father. I wonder how Lady Stoneheart will change this in the novel? Obviously, the reunion won’t be the same. Arya talks about her list and Sansa laughs it off much like an older sister would when a younger sister admits to having a list of people to kill…and how many have already been crossed off. I’m pretty sure Ed Gein’s sister felt the same. That joker!
Speaking of jokes, we see that Grey Worm left a mark. Oh the sexual innuendo is thick, ‘many things indeed!’. I bet Jon Snow is about to show Daenerys ‘many things’ in that dark cave of hers. It seems that the Children and First Men combined their super powers to fight the White Walkers. Too bad Jon left one small detail out (that Bran could have filled in if he wasn’t busy picturing other rather disturbing things that happened to his family)–didn’t the Children make the White Walkers? Ooops. It’s like they banned together against a common enemy…that one created to kill the other with (e.g., the entire year of 2016). I’m not sure why Jon Snow is wiping white chalk from his hands, but these ‘cave paintings’ look rather good for being so old.
I will fight for you! I will fight for the North – Daenerys. Wow! She’s going to be a kick butt Queen–no more of this bend the knee cra…ah, man. Seriously? Just when the music says they are about to kiss and make up, she pulls the bend the knee card again. I’m pretty sure a marriage is in the cards for those two. That’s one way to unite the kingdoms. They make a great show of how both are ‘king/queen’ because of what they do and not because of who they came from via lineage. It seems that Jon can still (maybe) talk her down from the edge. In one moment, she could have taken after her father and yet, Jon brings her back.
I love–love Brienne and Arya. Those two are great together and the fight sequence is amazing. I think there is merit here and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for the both of them. Gotta love that little water dancing fool! Oh, and Pod was there, too. I guess. I’m not sure if he gets sacrificed in the end or just there for a Sam type comedic relief. I do know that Sansa is rather upset that Arya is maybe fitting in ‘too well’ or even a threat to her power (or maybe, just maybe, Sansa realizes Arya was telling the truth about her list).
Jon and Davos talk women. It seems that the entire scene here is setting up ‘Jon and D should hook up’ and Daenerys is a great woman just like Jon is a great dude. A dude you’d want to hang with, maybe even get a beer. You know, someone easy going and easy on the eyes. Did I say easy going? I meant easily going to have a healer reattach Theon’s dingus just so he could cut it off. Jon’s got a bit of a temper on him. We’ve seen that almost cost him his life before–between Theon and Little Finger, he’s making some snakey enemies.
When does flogging sound like a bad idea? When it’s given by a guy whose safe word is ‘Dickon’. I knew some of those men. I hunted with them. Played a bit of tennis and had a bit of funny feeling when we played ‘Pooh Sticks’ together. Thunder. No, what sounds like Thunder? A horde coming down to cut your flogging session short and not a moment too soon. Anyone else think AC/DC’s Thunderstruck should have been the music for the promo?
Okay, will a named actor die to a nameless extra in sheep skin? Probably not. Bronn tells Jaime to retreat and Jaime is all like ‘f that! We gots this! It isn’t like they have a drag…oh man….’. I have to admit, I am cross between ultra stressed during this fight and yelling obscenities at my teevee. It’s darn good to see those people on fire. It’s also great to see Daenerys taking Jon’s words to heart. Don’t burn the cities and people, but burn their oppressors. It seems that the gold payment is going to be a tad late. Now, if I were some dude writing scripts, I would say the arrows have no effect on the dragon but they will pull out the secret weapon and either kill the dragon outright (capture Daenerys) or wound it to show vulnerability. It looks like we get to find out. That horse leg cutting scene is legit. Don’t worry, thing harmed was my pride when I cried like a little girl in fear that Bronn is about to kill Daenerys.
It’s the moment of truth–did the writers pull a GRRM or are they going to show just a tad of ‘dragons can be killed, but not this time because, man, that’d really suck to kill off the Queen in episode 4’? Better yet, is Tyrion going to reach out to his brother? You have to feel for Jaime. He’s not doing this because he wants to and yet, he isn’t running.
Shoots and scores! Tis just a flesh wound and that dragon is peeved. Tyrion has solid advice for Jaime but BOOOM. Bye, bye birdie. It’s hard not to feel bad for Tyrion. The only member of his family that ever loved him is on the other side of the battle. Oh, and underwater. Talk about intense. It seems the young Taryl saved him but maybe gets the dragonfire for his efforts? If so, at least that might make things even with the novel (I really have to look that part up. I might be getting the novel confused with the next episode…).
Wow! What an episode. I can finally breathe now. That was, as Howard Stern would say, ‘Off the Hook!’. Or at least I think that’s what he said. Maybe it was Eddie Murphy’s ex-wife (not the tranny the other one). All levity aside, that was one heck of an ending. It makes me want to jump in a time machine just to see what the heck happens next week (also, to put more money on the Patriots during half-time…).
Can Jon talk sense into Daenerys? IS Little Finger on Arya’s list or will he turn her to the dark-er side? Does Tyrion save Jaime? Is Trump’s hair really Cersei’s secret weapon? All that and more on the next Game of Thrones!