HBO, the only cable outlet ballsy enough to show two (rotating pairs of) siblings/close relations getting freaky each season. Let’s face it, I haven’t seen so much wincest since someone on 4chan published the archive link. Remember when we all went ‘ewwwwww’ with Jaime and Cersei in Season 1? Then again with Theon and his sister (okay, so some of that I must admit was hot)? Yet again, to a lesser extent, with a few Tyrell youngens (Okay, Furries, you gots to admit that you were a bit smiles for Lola Bunny aka Queen Margaery and we all wanted a book revival), only to follow up with a rather obvious nod to the freaky freaks of Dorne. Heck, I am pretty sure North of the Wall had its fair share of incest as did Riverrun. Come to think of it, I think Jon and Daenerys are probably the only two close blood pairs that didn’t get freaky yet. Until this episode, of course! We’ll get to that goodness soon enough, but first…
We are going to destroy the Night King and his army…unless they have an undead dragon and then, I mean, what are the odds of that, right? – Daenerys.
Grey Worm stands at attention. So do a buttload of people behind him. Jaime and Bronn are manning the defenses and it looks like we are in for a long drawn out siege. The odd part is, I don’t see siege weapons – are the Unsullied going to climb the wall one by one? Is a dragon going to come down? With a horn blow, the vast hordes come into view. Their energy and excitement a rather stark contrast to Grey Worm’s soldiers.
Another contrast is found in the ships that Theon, Jon, Davos, and Tyrion use compared to the great fleet waiting for them. The Hound shows us the undead is still the undead. Another hodge-podge of scenes ends with Cersei and the Mountain. The killing order is that of Queen, Bros (Hos before Bros?), and then Jon. It seems that her hate runs deep.
Deep is where we find ourselves on the road. Brienne shows up with Bronn as an escort while Jon and crew match up. Pod meets an old friend, but it is well met. We all know Bronn is on the side of Gold, but does he have a real loyalty here? Will it be himself in the end or will he pick a side between the brothers (assuming there is a side to pick). The Hound and Brienne discuss Arya but it seems that Bronn and Tyrion make the better pair of ‘old friends’ getting together. This is where it comes down to see where Bronn is leaning. Bronn is for Bronn, but there is good (almost heroic, if that dragon shooting showed anything) quality to him. We all know where heroes end up in the Game of Thrones…
Bronn takes Pod out for a drink whilst the fancy folks talk (in a really really big and mostly empty arena, sort of like the fight last night). The Hound talks to Tyrion to point out plotting is a Lannister thing while Tyrion jabs back that the Hound’s family is central to both sides as an enforcer. A family reunion between the Mountain and the Hound should be interesting. Ever see Vader without his mask? That’s how the Mountain looks right now. The two exchange mother’s home-made recipe for pot pie and we await Danny’s entrance.
Where is she? You mean she didn’t travel with you? What does she think this is? Some sort of arena where dragons fought or something? – Cersei.
Daenerys enters in style and I do sense a bit of a shiver from Cersei and a lot bit of awe from a Greyjoy. The two queens finally meet. Cersei thought to be seated first would show power–too bad the other queen has a dragon.
The Greyjoy opens his mouth and tries to bait a few. It seems that Jaime and Cersei (and the Mountain) have little time for bird sex, and Greyjoy sits down. Jon doesn’t back down to Cersei’s snarkdom. It seems that she studied from Frank N Furter’s school of facial acting. Let’s see how she reacts to the undead (I mean, not the one that actually works for her, but the corpse in the box). The Hound unwraps the present and….it’s just a dead body. Right? That would be my guess. All of that for nothing. Will the writers take that way out or will they show us undeath? Undeath it is! The Hound does some Night of the Living Dead action on it and it still keeps crawling. Needless to say, Cersei (and her Maester) are in full attention now.
There is only one war that matters–Star Wars, the original trilogy (and the next few). – Jon Snow
Greyjoy bugs out. ‘Can they swim? No? F this, I’m outtie!’. Cersei talks of a truce (now that she just lost her entire Navy) and she tells Jon she will give them a truce but only if he doesn’t take sides in the war. Jon, being a noble person of his father’s making, says the he is loyal to the queen he bent the knee. Loyalty gets a lot of people killed in this movie, but as Brienne says, ‘F Loyalty!’. Jaime is taken back and time marches on.
Tyrion is about to get killed. So, if they bring him back as Undead Tyrion, would you still watch the show? I think I’d watch an Undead Pod fumbling around but Tyrion needs to be the funny drunk wise sage. One idiot to another, the two brothers say goodbye. It is touching to see Jaime and Tyrion talk–you get a sense that they belong together and, maybe, if Cersei wasn’t such a ****, they could be together as a family.
The meeting with Cersei and Tyrion goes about as well as anyone can hope. She talks about the deaths in the family and Tyrion professes that he loves his family–loves them enough to sacrifice himself to Cersei. If Cersei backs down from this edge of killing her most hated brother, then it is either wonky writing or a trap. I don’t need Admiral Akbar to tell me which one it is.
What did Cersei hope for? Quite an interesting question. Tyrion admits to choosing Danny over his sister and he senses she is preggers.
Jon and Daenerys finally kiss. The Beginning of the End is a theme here. Ooops, did I say ‘kiss’? I meant talk about life and world politics. I haven’t seen a couple more Ross and Rachel since, well, Ross and Rachel. Shut up and kiss already!
Tyrion is back and he brings the rest of his family. Methinks an offer of marriage will come up. A marriage of super powers, that is! Cersei agrees to…wha? If a kid was all it took to get her to be human, Jaime should have tried to do that long ago.
Speaking of Long Ago, that is also the same time when I liked Little Finger. Long ago. Jon bends the knee and Sansa takes it hard. That’s okay, though, Little Finger has a plan to make himself…err….Sansa the King of the North. Arya is on the hit list and Little Finger needs to stay off her list. If there is any justice in the world, Little Finger bows out in Season 7. We all know he won’t, but one can hope, right?
What’s the worst thing that Arya can want? A puppy. Oh and for Sansa to have a brain. If Arya wanted to kill her, she’d be dead. It looks like Arya is going to get killed in her sleep. There is a great flaw of logic here–Arya can become Lady of Winterfell, but ummm..Bran is like, you know, the actual fricken person lineage-wise to take over the area.
Jon and company (why is Theon here?) discuss how to introduce Daenerys to the North. They can sail around, they can take the scenic route, they can walk, skip, hop, and jump–or they can just have Jon GET ON A DRAGON. Just sayin’. Speaking of Theon, he’s back and he asks Jon about being honest. If I were Jon, would I let Theon get that close to me? You don’t need to be Nostradamus to see a shank coming. In a rather prophetic moment, Jon explains that Theon is a Greyjoy and a Stark (oh, from the mouth of babes…). Jon also sets up a Greyjoy rescue segue for Season 8–assuming Theon can take back his sister after unleashing 7 seasons of rage on to one fat dude. By that, I mean get the crap beat out of him. A ginger getting his face beat? It’s like I’m watching last night’s fight all over again.
Okay, the nut kicks did make me laugh.
What isn’t going to make me laugh is Sansa plotting to kill her sister. Have my sister brought to the great hall…and make sure my brother is there because he can like tell us how bad things are going to be when I mess this up. From the smile on Little Finger’s face, and the number of guards, I am guessing Sansa is going to mess up. Arya gives the same words that Tyrion did–and we all knew BOOM that was going to happen!
Little Finger takes a nut shot to the face with that one. It is YOU who are the errr…sorry, wrong movie. Little Finger says ‘None of you were there…’. Except, the 3-eyed-mofo Raven! Not to mention, Arya is about to go all snikkity snikkt on Peter’s butt (and the rest of him). The worst reason why he wants Sansa to take on Arya is because…umm….nothing?
The weird thing is, we get to see Little Finger’s true emotions come out at the end. Oh snap! I was typing something else, but it looks like Arya was in full snikkity mode. I wonder if she’ll take his face now?
Cersei shows her true colors. Are you a traitor or an idiot? Told ya’, don’t need Akbar to tell me this one was a trap. Cersei is good at plotting, but she fails at math. If the North falls, the monsters don’t kill each other–the undead army grows exponentially. She can, however, count to three. She is counting on the iron bank to buy some mercs in order to take on the horde and everyone else. The Golden Company is on the way via the Greyjoys.
Jaime just realized how deep Cersei’s betrayal ability has become. The Mountain is about to seal the deal. Jaime seems more hurt that Cersei gives the order to kill him than the thought of getting killed. With his sword at half-mast, the Mountain let’s Jaime go.
With Cersei’s final(?) betrayal of her brother and all of the living in her kingdom, Winter Is Here. I would have ended on the snow, much like Joyce’s The Dead, falling on the living and the dead alike.
BUT, I’m not writing GoT! We see Sam talk to Bran a bit. For a guy who can see things happening in the past, present, and future, Bran asked a pretty darn stupid question. Why is Sam at Winterfell? He does drop the bombshell that, sadly a Wildling beat him to it, says Jon is Danny’s nephew. We also learn that something everyone from Season 1 knew–Robert’s Rebellion was built on a lie.
Now, who tells Jon before he gets freaky with his aunt? Ravens fly awfully fast on this show…except when two blood relatives are about to get freaky–with a dwarf watching.
So, instead of the poetic way I would have ended the season, they chose wincest (not the Supernatural kind) with a splash of sisters getting closer together. The leaves are changing colors, Bran is wearing his pet as a blanket and we see the Night King (so, are the undead just beasts and the Night King a Warg, too?). His army is big and they are coming out of the woods–there is fear in the living, and the dragon isn’t even out yet.
The dead can’t swim, but they can fly. We end the way we began–with one person’s army surrounding a fortress. Except this army has an undead dragon breathing blue flame that will destroy all of the magic wards put on the Wall. And the Wall, come crumbling down.
That’s it for this season! Winter is Here and there’s heck to pay. Will GRRM finish the books before next season? Will Jaime join up with Tyrion? Does Cersei really carry his lovechild or is it just a case of gluten gone wrong? All this and more on the next Season of the Game of Thrones!