I spent a lot of this episode rubbing my hands together in anticipation, because I knew what was coming and all of it pleased me.
Our favorite Wolf Girl continues her journey with the Hound and tries to bash his head in with a rock. He’s faking that he’s asleep and tells her she has one chance to kill him. One chance, but she can’t bring herself to do it. The Hound tells her that he’s taking her to the Twins to give her back to her family and that he’s done with the Lannisters. Hooray!
Dany meets with Yunkai’s “powerful friends” in an enlightening conversation with some arrogant men, including one Daario, the prettiest of sell swords. Don’t tell Bron I said that. Later, the three leaders of the Second Sons discuss what to do about the Dragon Queen, which comes down to killing her.
Melisandre arrives back in Dragonstone with dumb dumb Gendry and Stannis is his usual stiff and cold self. He visits Davos in the cells to talk to his friend as Stannis is hesitant about following Melisandre’s plans, namely that of sacrificing Gendry for some powerful magic, or something. Melisandre does an amazing job of seducing Gendry in a clever ruse to leech some blood to prove he has the power of king’s blood. Much to Gendry’s and Davos’ horror.
Another second son, Tyrion, tries his best to be kind to Sansa and tell her everything will be fine, but poor little Sansa can’t quite believe him. In a family gathering to rival the most dysfunctional, Cersei relays the tale of the Rains of Castemere to Margery in total powerplay that Margery tries to play off but understands completely. This also proves to show that Cersei is going a bit batshit crazy.
Joffery gives Sansa away with that dickish little smirk, and takes away Tyrion’s stool, thus totally humiliating both he and Sansa. At the feast, Tyrion gets completely tanked as everyone tires to ignore it, except Tywin. Oh Tywin. And of course Joffery continues to terrorize poor Sansa as only a royal shit can do. Tyrion refuses to consummate the marriage and for once Sansa is relieved. And I refuse to discuss Shae.
Instead of Daario killing Dany, he delivers the two other captain’s heads to her. How romantic! And pledges the sell swords to her growing army. And everyone loves some boobs and butt shots. Thanks HBO!
Sam and Gilly continue their March of Sadness, discussing boy names until a murder of crows assembles to bring some Doom. We get to see another scary as hell Wight and boy was he not expecting that Sam the Slayer had some dragonglass, which is only helpful if you don’t LEAVE IT LAYING IN THE SNOW, SAM.