True Blood – Hopeless

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In another episode that proves to be a whole lot of chaff and barely any wheat, we get some story progression but mostly just predictable crap that isn’t very smart or even fun to watch. The highlights are really Terry telling his sergeant to go fuck himself and Russell being Russell. So you can stop reading now if you want to. You aren’t missing much.

Microwave powers: Activate! Sookie actually does something and zaps Russell, tho in the scheme of things that isn’t going to stop him. Somehow Alcide has his shirt off again? I’m not taking a screencap, Google that shit if you care. The Authority shows up to “save the day” and takes Russell away then kills some dumb humans who saw too much. Eric glamours Alcide in some super homoeroticness and puts the whammy on him. Protect Sook but try not to fall on her with your dick. He should have made Alcide think he’s a chicken or something. Use your powers for evil! Well, more evil than usual!

Aww Hoyt, you’re a sweet kid but messed up. Poor Jessica broke yer damn heart and now you’re all goth and sadness. You just need to get some pussy to get her out of your system. I want more knock out drag out fights with Tara and Jessica tho, that was evetertaining.

Fuckin hell, Sookie is crying again. STOP crying!

Hey, were you guys curious about Sookie and Jason’s parents? No? Me either! Stop trying to inundate us with this dreck! So let me get this right, Sookie’s parents were killed by a vampire because he smelled Sookie’s gross ass bandaid in their car? That is just nasty and completely unsanitary. Do you want to take bets on who killed em? Seems like it has to be Russell, right? Or maybe one of the Vamp board members? It would be a real fuck you if it was Eric, but they’d never do that.

Shiva lived after those hicks shot her? Really? She wasn’t looking too good when we last left her, but there she is in the hospital. Gramma Wolfenstein brings the lil pup to the hospital and have some special family time. There’s probably no way that Gramma sent those hicks on the shifter’s trail, right? Right?

Let’s do a run down of plots that we don’t care about. Terry’s fire monster is hot on their trail. Lafayette’s dead boyfriend is like stuck in death’s waiting room or something. The Yaya Sisterhood of Merlotte’s complain about men. Wolf drama is boring but that new chick is pretty hot.

If my brief nudity was only those dead werewolf butts, I’m disappoint. I AM DISAPPOINT! What has happened to this show? Sookie used to take her shirt off all the time, Eric always took his pants off, etc… This is HBO! Let’s make use of it!

Bill and Eric return to Blue Blood HQ to drink some old blood and party and execute Russell. Again, this political vampire bullshit is ever so tiresome and it is ever so clear that Salome is the traitor and isn’t gonna silver Russell so that he kills Roman and escapes. Fast forward 5 minutes into the future and… ERMERGAWD I’M PYSCHIC!!!!

Peace is for pussies! At least Russell will be entertaining since nothing else in this show is any more.




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