Like a weird foot fungus you pick up at the gym, True Blood is back for it’s 6th (SIXTH!?!?!) season. Uuuuuuugh. That moaning sound isn’t your tv, it’s me, wishing for the end. My obituary will read like this:
Today the world suffers a tremendous lose. Ripped from us is a creative force, too brave for this world, too weird for the next. Found unresponsive on her couch, it’s believed that Raygun suffered an aneurysm while trying to make sense of True Blood. She leaves a loving husband, two awesome cats and one terrible cat.
And I don’t want to die in Baltimore people! It’s one of the only goals I have in life So, let’s get on with this. As we said goodbye to season five, Bill drank the koolaid and is now some kind of naked vampire demigod with really big teeth and no brain. Pam took some stupid pills and is fuzz bumping with no one’s favorite, Tara. Alcide took his shirt off a lot and was mostly useless. Sookie was, uh, at faerie camp? And everyone else is pretty much the same.
Recently the True Blood official twitter account tweeted this, ‘”A vampire is never at the mercy of his emotions. He dominates them.” #truebloodquotes #trueblood’ My response is, have you watched your own show!?
The ONLY vampire that was in control of their emotions was head bitch Nan! She was all about business and sure she yelled a lot but she was just trying to get shit done. Oh, Nan. RIP.
So what can we hope for in the next season? Well, Bill is probably going to try to blow up the world but maybe Eric will kill him. Pam and Tara will pull a Thelma and Louise, or at least that would be pretty great. Jessica won’t take her shirt off and Jason’s head is too full of people to make any kind of smart decisions. And do we care about the rest? True Blood comes back this summer, exact date TBA.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g8icRMLqFI
