House of the Dragon S1E7: All Seven and We’ll Watch them Fall..

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Not gonna lie, that trailer for Last of Us looks damn sweet, but why recast Baby Yoda?! Just how bad was that instagram message!?

Okay–What’s the over/under on the time shift this time? If my calculations are correct, I believe we should see Peter Capaldi at any moment. But first—

We see a funeral that is mostly a threat against the other houses. Is it me or does it never quite work out well for those who preach the ‘purity of blood’. Also, is it me or does this funeral mean nothing at all to the fans? We cared when Hodor died because we were with him for a few seasons. We cared when Darth Vader died because we were invested in him for two movies (or more if you are young). I don’t even know this woman’s name let alone care she died. As my good friend Doctor Payne would say, ‘Who Cares?’. That’s the issue with a lot of the deaths thus far. If we have to Google the character’s name and ‘who they were’ then maybe the pacing of this show is not there.

Speaking of not there, the Queen sure looks like she wishes that one dude wasn’t there. You know, the one named uhhh Larys or something. And who else wishes they weren’t there? All of the kids. None look thrilled to be anywhere. Sure, some lost their mom and I get that. But the only thing the others lost was not being sold into sexual slavery. And in one tender moment, we see two kids try to give solace to each other because that’s the human thing to do and not because their house demands it.

The character seems sad that he won’t be a child bride…

The King looks over at his brother, maybe touched by the pouring of love by the little ones, and decides to make a bridge of friendship. Though the King reaches out Daemon ignores the plea and walks away. This is a reversal of how things were before all the timey-wimey stuff. It seems the man was truly in love with his wife and it acting like someone who lost that love.

Even the tiki torch has more personality than the King…

The funny thing about the scene here is the man and wife are talking about crowns and blame whilst their daughter is dead. The person they blame is truly grieving his wife but they can’t seem to get past this ‘game of thrones’ bs. I guess the lesson in this show is, ‘everyone sucked and boy don’t you miss King Joffrey?’. Something something ‘our kid is gay so let’s abandon his kids cuz he didn’t knock boots with the person who made them’. Again, a speech about blood from people who should be a lot more wary on what is pure blood and what isn’t.

Who doesn’t like a long walk on the beach after burying your wife? It seems that Matt Smith’s character has grown a bit. What would have been a simple set up for sex with his niece is now two adults walking on the beach talking about adult issues. He knows the Queen killed the father of the kids but will she agree to accept it?

If she is pining him directly, does that mean she always wanted him — or — was she groomed to the point where she thinks she’s the one who should be with him even after all these years? What could be a deep study on psychology effects of death and sexual assault turns out to be just an outline bullet point of ‘gee, I think this could happen’.

My bad. I guess they bone. That could be a natural reaction to grief by him. It could be one off thing from her. It could be better lit. But, in the end, it all means the same thing. We get to see one more spouse ‘accidentally fall out of window’.

As you can see Jim pays the iron price for streaming…2Legit

Whilst his mom and uncle bone, or is it aunt and uncle? Or wait…anyways….this kid is going to take the vacant dragon he always wanted and learn to ride it. Or something. Again, this would be a better scene if we cared at all about the kid. Hell, even Ned lasted a season before killing him. Kill him. Ride him. Turn him into a frog. Whatevs. I don’t think the show runners thought they’d score a zero on the apathy meter for this scene. Again, it’s hard to care about a kid trying to ride a dragon when you don’t know the kid. This is like JK expecting us to cheer for Harry Potter if he was some dish washer.

Grab ’em by the pigtails and ride ’em hard! Err..wait…

I can-however–cheer for three kids beating the crap out of one kid. Until that one kid about to hit the other kid with a rock. Then a switch blade? The heck? This reminds me of an old Roddy Piper bit–never throw stones at a man with a machine gun and/or a dagger.

Rock, paper, scissors takes a whole new meaning

You know, this might be as much action as this episode gets. I’ll take it. At least someone is attacking someone else. The princess is calling treason and she has a point. And the point is the Queen is the one who everyone is looking at except he passes it to the brother instead. Now show apologies to one another your father, your grandfather, your sire, your king, your uncle, your uhhh nephew or whatever. See, not even the King knows who he is to these people.

AN eye for an eye. The King says no, but she goes to See WhiteKnight? Ohh snap. He refuses because he doesn’t want to die instantly. The Queen is going deeper into madness and I am guessing Larys is going to get an eye. Is about to…nope. The Queen is going to attack for herself and Daemon is holding the knight back.

Queen gone batty

Who is hold the Queen back? After this, I am guessing there are sharp lines in the sand. It looks like half the houses have made up their mind to go against the other half.

A house divided…

Thankfully, she has come to her senses and has apologized to her father for wait…what? The game we play? Seriously? So the moral of this show is ‘everyone sucks’?

Speaking of, here goes husband of the year. It looks like he’s just in time to see his wife get stitched up. He doesn’t seem like a completely bad person just shallow. I don’t exactly mean he is a shallow person like a character fault but shallow like a writer fault. There’s nothing that makes him up. He’s the puppet of a puppet with strings attached.

As the King leaves, everyone seems to have a plan set into motion. The Queen tries her father’s advice. The other families look on with one in particular gaining a dragon. I think a certain family should be careful on claiming that dragon. I hear it killed its former master. And looks like Larys, played by Discount Mikey Day, doesn’t disappoint and offers up that eye.

What else doesn’t disappoint is the wincest train coming up the tunnel. Looks like bow-ties are cool and Matt Smith is about to don his fez. Will the combination of the brother and daughter of the king be enough to push this series forward? I guess we’ll find out after a puppet gets his strings cut. Strings. Throat. Whatever.

Ahhhh the two finally at peace.

The aftermath of plans in motion seems a bit direct. She wants to rule not by fear. Just like s certain someone (checks notes) uhh 130? years later. Also like a certain someone it makes me wonder if Danny had sex with her brother. I did get that Luke/Leia vibe from them (no, not the Luke n Leia vibe from Mr Hanky, but you know…incest). I also get that maybe this entire series is just a justification for some of the things shown in GoT. I hate to say it, but I had higher hopes for the series than to play red-headed (or white haired) step-child to a show that ended with a wet fart.

I swear HBO must have fired all the lighting crew…

If HoD could stand on its own feet (or claws) I think it can be a stellar show. It has some great actors and the set is amazing. However, as it is now, it is a watered down version of GoT with characters we can’t seem to give a crap about. Sorry. I mean, ‘about which we can’t give craps’.

The glimpse into the future is interesting. It seems we are into more time jumps and my guess is the last jump will see Varys spirit away two children overseas. If the only thing this series did was bring us a hunked up Matt Smith and a ‘still alive’ Varys, then I think it’s a fair trade. Throw a few dragons in the mix and we still have hope the last few episodes can pull this through. I don’t get a sense this will lead into a second season. Sure, they planned it for four seasons, but with this much time jumping we’d be into S1E1 of GoT by the end of Episode 10.

The next Tide Pod Challenge?

Will we see an episode 10? Will it end on Episode 8 as a cliff hanger into the Peter Capaldi years? Will it jump so much will 13 (no, not that 13..the one from House) show up with Harry Styles and take the Iron Thrown. heck, come to think of it…

 

And they lived happily ever after (errm…wait…)




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