House of the Dragon S1E3: 2nd of his name


I’m not sure how they will top the double child bride from last time (wasn’t that a Star Search Category?) but let’s find out together on this exciting episode of ‘This isn’t GoT but we’ll still manage to kill Ned Stark”.

Crabs. I grew up in the 80s and 90s and we didn’t have to worry about crabs. In-grown hairs? Yes.

Trust me this beats in-grpwn hairs any day!

Oh noes! Who can save us from this horror?! Only one man…nah, one dragon! NO! One Dragon-Man and that man shall be Trogderrrr…ummm….the Doctor and a flamey-waymey thing.

Burninate those peasants!

Tired of watching hobbits and elves walk and ride horses and boats? Boy do we have a surprise for you! We now bring you–humans riding on horses! Why are they running? I guess she heard all about the Lannisters and how they don’t have sex with little kids but rather adult siblings. How weird! Speaking of weird anyone else notice how they cast discount Thor as a Lannister? Here’s. a picture of the Lannister giving the king an staff for exchange of the king’s young daughter for a wife.

A stick for a girl…fair trade!

Ahhh wait, there’s the child bride. Whew. We went though almost an entire half episode without a person being sold into sexual slavery. As we watch two old dudes think of who to sell a child to or marry a different child or kill a defenceless animal or whatever old rich guys do, I can’t help but wonder was Brann picked to be king because he didn’t mind sitting on the Iron Throne? I mean he can’t even feel it so maybe that’s the cheat code needed to really rule over the land?

Speaking of thinly framed imagery, anyone else notice how that fat pig tried to attack the girl in the dark seemed a bit too, uhhh, let’s say Miramax? I’m sure glad she was able to stab him repeatedly. Also, the fat pig. I’m glad that her father is protecting her in the woods and not like hitting on her best friend as child bride #2. Wait. What?

Okay – it’s safe. We are back up to two child brides per episode.

Okay, so maybe her dad was trying to get with her friend instead of protect her. But really we should be glad that he isn’t going to have a bunch of guys capture an endangered species, tie it up, and then hold it down as the king takes the killing blow in order to cover up his impotence in sex, life, and oops. I guess our bar of having any hopes for a redeemable character should get lower than Nick Cage’s hairline.

A bunch of guys definitely not standing around looking bored.

After that manly show of power who can ever say the king can’t deliver the goods…if those goods are already delivered and tied down and nearly dead. I think I heard him said ‘My Kill, My Bonus!’. Oh, how I miss Crunk. Fast forward to the princess walking in covered with blood and carrying a bore, no not the show runners, but a wild animal.

Speaking of wild animals, anyone else notice how a show called House of the Dragon this series doesn’t have many dragons to show? Maybe they meant the old drag-on as in ‘this show drags-on because it’s basically all the boring bits of GoT wrapped up into one long episode’. I am sure they are doing a slow burn (no pun) and we will see some fast action shortly. Maybe in the form of ‘kill the messenger’

If I only knew where I parked that dragon…

It’s the age old story. Man has dragon. Man forgets he has dragon. Man rows a boat. Say what you want about Matt Smith, but he’s fully committed to this roll. I can’t picture anyone else playing this character. He brings a gravity to the situation where madness would have easily been ‘ok’. I like how he make a madman someone we can root for.

Rooting for is what we do in the next few minutes, too. We know this is a set up. We know it’s going to be a sprint to kill the main baddy and we know that it will be something that gets ‘almost done’. I guess this guy never seen the Black Knight sketch of Monty Python? Tis just a flesh wound and move on!

As we move on we see–someone didn’t forget they had a dragon after all. It’s a bit weird that maybe it never occurred to the Doctor to, you know, use the dragon to start with? However, it is a bit of symbolism  from the animal hunt here. The dragon rider is swooping down (king, right?) but the army is already gathered up nicely. It’s like the guy who hits a perfect strike in bowling…using those chutes that guide the ball directly into the pins. Sure he killed an army with a. dragon but they are all lined up a bit nicely for him. And, much like the animal hunt, a person other than him is doing the heroic deed of going into the den of the animal and slaying the beast in single-hand combat. The aftermath speaks for itself as does the vibes of ‘anyone else bet he gets with his niece by the end of the season?’.

We have seen book ending here that shifts power from the King to others. I think this will come into play of the person acting king versus doing the deeds. If the mad king gets killed by his close alley does that mean history repeats or ‘reboots’ or ‘prequels’ itself? Does The Doctor put a fork in the king? Does he add himself to the list of people with child brides? Does the daughter become Sister (Niece) – Wife? Does the king hook up with both child brides and have them fight for his ummm…love…in a match to the death?! Maybe one featuring a Jr Dancers Dance Off? (God, I miss Norm MacDonald). All that and more on the next Game of the House Drag-ons.

Gwenth Paltrow said this stuff will take away 3 decades off my skin!! Worth it!


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