Game of Thrones 62 – Home Sweet Home

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As I sit and await the second episode of Game of Thrones, I can’t help but reflect on all those unanswered questions from E1. Is Jon Snow coming back? Will Lady Stone… okay, so I gave up on that one. I mean, will Arya get her groove on? How about Tyrion? Did he finally eat that baby? (Cue Austin Powers music)

But first, what about Bran? Without further ado, let’s take this episode Home.

It seems that even the show runners think it was too long to go without Bran. I honestly forgot he was in the show, and HBO seems to have bet you did too. At least if this intro montage means anything.

We start, well, in a tree. A tree with a flashback to a pre-headless Ned and a beardless Hodor? Oh, Hodor, how I missed you. Oh, we also get a glimpse of Helen of Troy, errr… I mean Ned’s sister, Lyanna. The girl whose face (and/or violation) launched a rebellion. She’s got some snark on her, but I don’t see the attraction.

Just as we start to remember who Bran is, we are thrust onto The Wall. Oh, Ser Davos, how do you get yourself into these situations? Okay, bets on the Wildlings saving the day before that door is chopped? Ohhh yeah. One Giant and everyone pees their pants. This is a bit anticlimactic, but I’ll take a reckoning at The Wall any day.

Any day is also when the Lannisters will get their act together and retake King’s Landing. Looks like the Mountain is back in a bit of style. It’s hard to feel bad for Cersei, but darn it, Lena Headey is just that good. The private moment between father and son is a bit touching. Maybe this is the season where Tommen starts being more of a fleshed out character. Speaking of fleshed out, Jaime is back to true form and shines a bit of light on the high sparrow. Times like this, I really wish he had his hand back. I’m a bit sick of the twisted religious freaks passing judgment on people. Oh, and I dislike the high sparrow too.

Speaking of Lannisters, it took Tyrion all of two seconds to make a dick joke. We also see a new small council. After dropping the mic, Tyrion lays down some heavy knowledge on drag-ons (throwback to ye old days). A eunuch and a dwarf walk into a bar… oh, and by bar, I mean Dragon’s Den and not that Canadian show. We all know how roughly GoT treats its stars, so excuse me whilst I watch with my hands over me eyes. Tyrion staves off death by pleading, ‘don’t eat the help’. Ha! Sorry. His delivery is so good, but I question his releasing both dragons. Won’t only one imprint on him? (If he’s lucky.)

Arya is back and she means business! ‘What’s your name?’ ‘My name is Pain!’ Oops, not yet. I guess her name was punching bag. Arya is being tempted by food, shelter, and vision. She is her father’s daughter and stays true to herself. Of all the Stark youngins, Arya is the best and most true to her name.

Is it me or do the Boltons get boring after a bit? They were fun early on, you know when they hunted Theon, but I can’t seem to care about them now. I guess my caring is like Lord Bolton’s for his bastard. Oh, look, a son. Let’s see if Ramsay flips a coin to kill the kid or his dad. Honestly, my money is on both. Yes, I write this as I watch. That knife twist just happened and the baby is about to be puppy chow. Looks like Ramsay used the same coin I do to determine if I should drink or not.

Sansa is finally coming around. I remember when I prayed for her to die…in episode 1 of the first season..and every episode since. I still don’t like the twit, but, as Brienne said, ‘shut up, and focus on praying for Tyrion not dying.’ At least that’s what I think she said. To be quite honest, I sorta zone out when she talks. Theon mentions going home and that’s our cue to…

Hey, I’m confused. Didn’t this show abandon the Ironborn plot a few seasons ago? I rather like how the book dealt with this, and I think the show writers lost the plot for a bit. It is good to see them try to tie in loose ends now, although it feels a lot bit forced. I guess it’s better late than never for the writers. I really like the performance of Asha Greyjoy. This is one plot bring back that I look forward to seeing.

And, the moment we are all waiting for, Davos asks the Red Lady directly to bring Snow back. Unfortunately, she’s lost her mojo and you know there’s only one cure for that. Cue the Austin Powers music (again).

That’s it, true believers! The moment we’ve all been waiting for…no, not that sex tape with Bolton and Theon…the other moment. Jon. Snow. He’s…He’s…dammit! HBO Now froze again. All you hoodlums off my bandwidth! Seriously, the people in charge of streaming at HBO can go Hodor themselves. The last 5 minutes took about 12 for me to watch.

Okay, back! And so is Jon Snow. Well, at least his stone cold lifeless body is. So much for being a powerful witch…Holy Crow! (see what I did there?) Did he just… move?





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