This was a real change of pace, this episode was great! Not really. Same old shit. I almost had you there.
Vamp Jerk Squad blows up a factory and then feasts on a chained, naked human. That poor guy’s dick looked like a frightened little turtle. And then no one wanted to eat it! That’s just rude guys.
Maybe it’s the epicness of all the storylines that I’m not understanding. Maybe they are all over my head and I’m too simple to get what’s going on. That must be it, right? It can’t be that it’s actually some of the most pedestrian writing I’ve been privy to in a while.
Clearly the T-1000 traveled back in time to teach Furry Magoo what it’s like to be a man. Or a wereman. Or werewoman. And then to eat Sarah Connor before she gives birth to the REVOLUTION! Let me tell you. That sentence I just wrote, THAT makes more sense than this whole season of True Blood. It seems much more sensible that a cyborg death machine from the future would travel back in time to teach some manners to werewolves. Can that be a show? On TLC maybe?
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. At certain points this show can still be amusing, but they’ve stripped away the things that I liked best (Eric’s ass, hot sweaty Eric sex, ripping heads off, funny Russell being demented) and replaced them with terrible things (Tara, Alcide never wearing a shirt and being sad, fake religious conspiracy theories, rednecks being rednecks, predictable plots, Tara, faeries). How does a show devolve like this? Has it been too popular and they’ve run out of things to happen? I’ve only read two of the books on an airplane so I don’t know how much they’ve perverted the story from the original but I can’t imagine it is this dull. But what do I know?
It seems as though, basically, Vamp Jerk Squad are just a bunch of self righteous drug addicts. This is not interesting, this is trying my patience.
Congratulations, True Blood, you’ve made boobs boring. Jesus christ, if I wanted to see people fuck covered in blood, no, I DON’T want to see that. Ugh, nasty. Not that I’m judging you if that’s what you’re into.
Revenge of the Crimped Hair! Noooooooooooo! Oh jeez who is this new punk ass vamp sheriff giving Pam shit? This aint gonna fly, uh uh. Vampire Barbie is gonna put her size 10 stilleto up that guy’s ass, and soon.
Awww Lavendar Vampire gets a puppy! And the best part is that she’ll always stay a puppy! Oh and Terry shot his captain, so that’s out of the way now.
I can’t tell you how loudly I was yelling at the tv at the end. Bill is a goddamn traitor. I’ve never liked him. Ever! And now Eric is not going to have adventures while the other vampires act like stupid assholes. Buzz kill!
The good news is that there are only three episodes left. So…
