Game of Thrones – Garden of Bones


Where do I start here? A lot of crazy, crazy shit is going down in Westeros. Team Wolf Squad strikes down some Lannisters by surprise but Robb can’t feel good about it cuz some mouthy broad with a foot fetish tells him he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Sansa gets beaten by King Douche while the Imp comes to the rescue and the Hound shows some sympathy. This episode was short on Tyrion (see what I did there), but makes up for it with quality. Bronn speaks wisdom, as always, as always by calling Joffrey a cunt. Man, he really is. Why would you make two whores beat the shit out of each other? That’s just cold. They were only trying to do their job.

Fucking Harrenhall. Seriously, fuck that place. Cursed ass castle full of crazy people. It’s like Fresno only wet and gray. You never want to go there. Ugh. Arya shows some balls with Tywin who came right on time to save Gendry from being eaten by rats, burned by hot pokers and god know what else. It takes a lot to make Tywin look like a good guy, you know what I’m saying?

Little Finger comes to Renly to meddle and save his own ass and who knows what else. You can never be sure of what his true motive is but everybody better be watching their backs. He has some witty repartee with Margery who does a pretty good job of shutting him down. He also brings back Ned’s bones to Cat, who is none too happy to see him. There’s some history there, if you hadn’t guessed.

Things are finally turning around for Daenerys when her rider finds Qarth, a rich and vast trading town that will welcome the Mother of Dragons. Well, only if she’ll show them the dragons, which she ain’t gonna do. Enter Xaro Xhoan Daxos, the merchant Prince, who takes responsibility for the Dothraki “horde” and allows them to enter. I really want to see what Qarth looks like, I always envisioned it as a kind of classy New Orleans. You know, less puke, more ornamental buildings.

The Baratheon brothers meet but neither is backing down. Stannis still insists he’s the true heir, while Renly says no one wants Stannis as their king. They’re both right. Stannis would be such a strict and boring leader while Renly would turn Westeros into a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Speaking of Bosch, that goddamn ginger priestess has Davos smuggle her ashore to give birth to a frigging shadow demon baby in perhaps the most disturbing, but almost hot segment of television ever.

Predictions! The Ghostbusters show up and save the day.

game of thrones qarth


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