House of the Dragon S1E2: Error Please Try Again

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House of the Dragon S1E2 is on its way! Ok so maybe Error Please Try Again is not the real title to the show, but in Canada, that’s all we saw for a few minutes.

We start out with a scene straight out of the Little Mermaid. Sebastian and company are…oh, wait…no. That’s a bunch of dying people being eaten alive by crabs. Et Tu SpongeBob?

I hear there is a comb for this…

Perhaps there is some better use of the princess’s talents. You know, like having sexy time with her uhhh uncle? I’m calling it right here the incest train is going to make a few stops in this series and the House of Dragon is going to make the Lannisters look like priests. Err..wait…no. You know I mean chaste.

A side note here – did anyone notice how GoT tends to put out young girls into positions of sexual gaze? We have seen it in the OG series (OGGoT) and we see it here. It’s like this whole thing was shopped to Nickelodeon.

‘I fear she wouldn’t understand’ is akin to ‘better keep this a secret between us’. The king is the king, so any woman is just an object for him but can we at least pretend into the third episode that he isn’t going to shack up with the daughter of the Hand?

I haven’t seen this many candles since that one episode on Family Ties where Alex tries to burn RBG’s bra.

‘Make a wish’ – ‘I wish we could be close. As close as family!’ – those two girls, probably.

The king taking advice from the two people who want to overthrow him is a bit funny. ‘I must admit, I haven’t given marriage much thoughts. I mean, I’ve been hitting this girl scout lately and…wait…was that out loud?’

The Hand might have something to say about this marriage proposal! Oh he says she is too young but his daughter is not? Speaking of too young, we finally see someone who is far too young for the king to make a pass at. He has to be her uncle or something just walking around with that small child…oh damn. Really?  Even this girl? She’s what 10? I might have to take back what I said about Nickelodean as only ‘a joke’.

When ’14’ is an ‘old maid…’

Whilst picking between two children to have intercourse with, the king gets some bad news about his brother. Stop me if you heard this one: The sibling of the royal family falls for a prostitute and the family is upset at this. I’m guessing one of them is going out like Elvis?

Someone is a bit too upset hearing about her uncle lying with another woman…

Now the big showdown! The 11th Doctor vs some dude with a beard. I wonder if that army on the very narrow bridge remembered the guy rode away on a dragon? It’s like they lined up for this one big kill shot, single file, much like the Red Coats of yore. I mean, what’s the chances of that same dragon even showing back up?

Say hello to my little friend!

Looks like all king’s horses and most of the king’s men are about to get the humpty dumpty treatment. Man, I bet they wish they had a dragon with them. I wonder if the writers will give them a random dragon to come to their rescue so they can tease the eventual showdown of two dragons, which is something we definitely have never seen before in this game of thrones we play.

Take a shot every time they say ‘Sea Snake’. Oh man, I bet that’s some sort of pirate of some sort of joy. Maybe a joy of greyish color. Or just some rando they reskinned. Only time will tell! Unless they change their minds like they did in GoT and forget all about the sea storylines.

I’ll save everyone the next 10 minutes of the show. Basically, imagine Downton Abbey. Remove all the servants and plot. Then add dragons.

At long last, the king has announced which child he is going to have sexy time with. Is it the child of that one guy or the other guy? Maybe his own daughter? Maybe a different child?! We wait on bated breath!

House of the Dragon, brought to you by the IKEA winter chair collection

With almost no setup, we break from child marriage to a guy talking to another guy by a fireplace. Looks like sides are being chosen in this game for the throne and the 11th Doctor will play a bigger role in making sure the realm is safe and maybe–maybe–even find himself in the midst of doing so. My guess is he’ll have a moment of self-awareness and then regenerate into a gruff Scottish guy.

Baddy Bad McBadd Badd that will probably die from a girl with a pencil or something

Overall this episode sets up everything else in the season or at the very least it sets the tone for how many chairs people can sit in for a 60-minute span. We’ve seen everything from chairs with candles to chairs by the fireplace to chairs around a big table to chairs made of steel to chairs made of things that look like plether, but are probably something more breathable. What chairs will they sit on next time? All this and more on the next exciting episode of House of the Dragon.

 

 




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