Bitches rule. The matriarchy is having a good run in the Seven Kingdoms and across the Narrow Sea.
So the season finale of the sixth season of HBO’s Game of Thrones kicks off with the really creepy trials of Loras and Cersei scheduled for the Sept. The High Sparrow is being a smirking dick. Loras confesses to everything he has been asked and gets one of those Red Dwarf style forehead scarifications. Margaery holds her and Loras’ father back from intervening and getting himself in trouble, but she has words with the High Sparrow about the whole mutilating her brother thing and points out she feels he has broken his promise. She also points out that Cersei is supposed to be tried next, and not only is Cersei late for her trial, but Tommen is not present either. Margaery tries to flee with Loras, but the High Sparrow and his Hologram flunkies hold them back. She begs for everyone to leave because she fears that, if Cersei knows the consequences of not being there and she is not there anyway, then Cersei has reason to suspect she will not have to face those consequences.
Turns out Margaery is perceptive. The Mountain has kept King Tommen in his quarters and Cersei’s maester, along with a bunch of creepy urchins, have killed selfish useless Maester Pycell. Cersei dressed all militaristic bad ass and is drinking wine, as she looks out her window view of King’s Landing. Oh yeah, Cersei’s Maester Qyburn has helped her get set to activate all the Targaryen wildfire underneath King’s Landing, specifically underneath the Great Sept of Baelor. The pyre of the exploded Sept can be seen for miles away. It makes a great view for Cersei and, only twenty minutes in, I can’t even tabulate the body count on this episode. Cersei does save aside the nun who tortured her, however, for the purpose of torturing the nun in retribution. Unfortunately, looking out the window at the devastation, Tommen takes off his crown and jumps out the window to his death.
Then we go to the Freys and Jaime Lannister’s forces feasting their victory in Riverrun. Walder Frey talks to Jaime about not minding people sniggering behind his back, so long as he wins and people are afraid of him and grovel to his face and Frey goes on talking trash about the Blackfish and aren’t he and Jaime just two peas in a pod. Jaime points out that people do not fear the Freys but their Lannister allies and asks what the point of the Frey alliance is if the Lannisters have to keep coming and winning the Riverlands back anyway. The thing nobody but Brienne seems to get is that Jaime does care about all that; people mistake Cersei’s views for Jaime’s because Jaime loves her and serves her interests.
Samwell Tarly arrives at The Citadel. Damn, but The Citadel has a bitchin’ library. No girls allowed though. Not that Gilly probably minds much, but they might be on the wrong side of history, with the way things are going in this world. The elaborate scenic design on the library is a cool touch.
Davos Seaworth confronts Melisandre about the whole appalling burning Shireen at the stake thing. Melisandre says she just does what the Lord of Light tells her and, oops, she made a mistake. Uncharacteristically for a Stark, Jon Snow goes with an odd compromise of banishing Melisandre to ride south, with the promise of execution as a murderer if she returns. I guess he does owe his zombie status to her and who knows what would happen if he offed the Lord of Light’s rep in the North.
Over in Mureen, Daenerys is telling Daario that he has to stay back to keep peace and, uhm, she is dumping him. He feels like the Mother of Dragons is gonna be a tough girlfriend to follow. Afterwards, Daenerys confesses to Tyrion that she felt kind of indifferent while letting Daario down and that she feels a bit bad for not feeling bad, when she knew Daario loves her and she thought she’s cared for him. She renames Slavers Bay as the Bay of Dragons and she makes Tyrion officially the Hand of the Queen.
Dorn (Sand assassin ladies) and High Garden (awesome Oleanna in mourning) are forging an alliance and Varys shows up, as an emissary from Daenerys.
Then a surprisingly pretty serving girl shows up to bring Walder Frey lunch. He doesn’t recognize her and slaps her ass and asks after his two favorite sons. The serving girl points out that he is actually eating his sons in his meat pie. Then she pulls off her face, a la House of Black and White, and says, “My name is Arya Stark. I want you to know that. The last thing you are ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die.” Boom, throat cutting! Score for Ninja Arya.
Lord Baelish fails to make time with Sansa Stark in the godswood. She is not impressed that he says he wants to marry her and be king.
Zombie Benjen drops Bran off at the Wall and he gets ready to commune with the magic tree. His vision points out that, as many have suspected since book one, that Jon Snow is not Ned Stark’s kid. He is Lyanna Stark’s. They don’t say whether the father is Robert Baratheon, who she was promised to, or Rhaegar Targaryen, who supposedly took her by force. My money is on Targaryen based on a combination of a book one reference to Jon Snow’s eyes being violet and my personal desire to see Jon Snow ride a dragon. He seems like he might be Dany’s type.
Meanwhile, at Winterfell, Lil Lady Mormont reads everyone the riot act. I love that character and I love the actress who plays her. Is she Jorah Mormont’s kid? Anyway, everyone declares for Jon Snow as King in the North and do not care a lick that he is a bastard.
Jaime Lannister is worried when he and Bronn arrive at the outskirts of King’s Landing and can see the pyre of the Sept. They’ve shown up just in type for the Iron Throne coronation of Cersei of the House Lannister, First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms,.
And Daenerys Targaryen has just set out for Westeros, with her army (Unsullied), navy (Iron Born), cavalry (Dothraki), and air force (dragons!)
That was a heck of a finale. If we all promise to pay HBO extra, can do season 7 starting … would next Sunday be convenient for everyone?