That’s what I will be if George RR Martin dies before releasing the kraken.
We start out in Bob the Builder land. Can we bring yet another old character back? Yes we can! The Hound! I was going to guess the bastard of dead king, but so glad it’s The Hound. Game of Thrones taketh and Game of Thrones giveth. So, if Hound is back that means someone gots ta go. I’m pretty sure he’s with the guy from Deadwood. I’m not digging the forced exposition here. We get it. He’s alive. Although, the speech on the gods is rather fitting.
The High Sparrow discusses the gods with Queen Margaery. Although she is still playing the good wife, I’m still betting on her swerving him at some point. And, without missing a beat, the High Sparrow channels his inner Erdogan. Women folk is no good without baby making.
Olenna Tyrell is facing a bit of harsh truths here. She has the choice of leaving or taking the note that Margaery passed to her. Oh, my bet is about to pay off. Swerve it is!
The Wildlings talk with Jon and company. Jon gives them his best Braveheart speech (minus the anti semitic rant) to rally the Free Folk. It seems to work, but will it last? The ghost of failed armies rises up but is squared with a rather believable promise from Tormund.
Cersei and granny talk a bit. You’d think this is when they would bond the most, but the history of Cersei is too great to overcome. After all she’s done, this feels a bit flat. However, seeing Jaime march the army makes up for it.
Jaime has the Blackfish surrounded. Sorta. My guess is instead of hanging, the Blackfish will shoot the kid before they can kill him. Oops. Or not. He calls their bluff instead. Jaime brings some much needed leadership (and comic relief) to the siege. A parlay with the Blackfish is rather interesting. Jaime has changed a lot and this season it shows even more.
The 12 year old ruler of Bear Island (no, Auntie Rog, not those sorts of bears…). The 12 year old is a stronger ruler than all the Lannister kids combined. Just when all is lost, Ser Davos comes to the rescue. For a smuggler, he sure is an honest sort. The real war is between the living and the dead. BAM. Trailer soundbite drop. I’m pretty sure they should have started with that. With the grace of a millionaire child ordering the birthday clown to make her a unicorn out of the family cat, Bear Island sends its finest troops with Jon.
One good parlay deserves another and we can see Jaime’s negotiation skills at work. The talks go rather poorly. This is a great example of the rich vs the working class. No where else is it so blatantly stark than this meeting. It’s also a great example of what it would look like if Clint Eastwood and Richard Gere/Roger Waters (I can’t tell them apart…) had a kid. Jaime’s character has come a long way, but the ideals change slowly.
The North’s distrust of the Wildlings is strong, but the Phoenix…errm…Sansa is stronger. She brings the gravitas back, but gets spit on for her efforts. If only she would just unleash her powers now instead of that three movie (possible) deal for her other fantasy world. What I wouldn’t give to see Sansa with those powers here. She’d be like…well…Arya.
Unleashing is exactly what Theon needs. Everyone is having a great time. Well, everyone but the castrated ginger. You know, castration seems to be a theme of this show. It seems that the phallic departure ultimately gives strength to the characters. The Unsullied, Varas, and now Theon. They all seem to have more power once they accept their willy being gone.
Sansa has a point that they might need more men, but what is she willing to give up for them? A raven and a letter can be more deadly than a sword here.
The Deadwood preacher gives a sermon on the mount. It’s a step short of an AA meeting for The Hound. It seems that he is preaching from a different place than the High Sparrow. Where the High Sparrow preaches false modesty from a point of corruption, this preacher comes from the heart. Did anyone think the Brotherhood would put a blade in the guy’s heart only to have The Hound go all Wolvie berserker style on them? I’m a bit curious to see if that is where the writers are forcing us. There really isn’t any other reason for this set up other than to have The Hound go nuts and learn he can be a killing force for ‘good’.
Speaking of small killing machines, Arya buys her passage back with a glitter of gold. Apparently, a small child can find passage across the sea easier than a queen.
Ohhhhh, sweet girl mah butt! Run, Arya, run! As she walks through this faceless crowd all I can think of is Dammit! I still have to cover the rest of the season so you better not die.
The Hound is about to be unleashed. All it took was for a mass slaughter of innocent people (called it!) but it feels rather hollow after seeing Arya stumble round bleeding to death. Oh, man…okay, if she DOES die, that means my thought of her having a major story arc is gone. It looks like Danny, Tyrion, and Jon will be the Dragon riders. Someone pray that Tyrion stays safe or it’s going to be a very short review (no pun) next week.
Well, another episode and another ‘did they just fricken kill off my fave character?’ it seems that Games of Thrones is in a neck and neck race with 2016 to kill off everyone I care about.
