True Blood, GIVE IT A REST ALREADY. This season has been completely predictable, stupid and tedious. Nothing interesting has happened at all. A whole lot of blood farts have exploded but no one who matters actually died. You should have thrown the hat in the ring midway through season 2. That horse is dead! You are literally killing me! This is the most boring finale of any show I think I’ve ever watched.
And after saying all that, Russell dies before the credits roll?! That was a bit anti-climactic. Perhaps the very definition. You could have killed him two seasons ago! What the fuck was the point of burying him alive? Did they ever “explain” that? Jeebus Cripes.
Sam has big boobies was a dude and manages to piss off Bill be breaking into HQ. It didn’t seem very hard, they changed into mice and smuggled themselves in. Isn’t that what kids do at malls and museums? But getting out seems to be an issue since they have to get the puppy out now. HOW IS THIS A STORYLINE!?
Team Dumb Vampire stage a rescue mission to get Pam and Jessica outta Blue Blood HQ. Yeah, whatever. Now is not a good time to talk real estate, Sookie! Pam and Jessica need their own spinoff show, in the style of “Cagney & Lacey”, busting punks, drinking brews and making out with their shirts off.
Jason puts on his best ninja gear and listens to his dead parents. Yup, fer realz.
Why is there an all girl dance party happening at Merlotte’s? Uh.
Why can’t that bitchy Vampire Rosalyn smell that Shiva is NOT Newlin? She’s talked SO MUCH about her amazing sense of smell just last episode!!! Fucking….. Are you kidding me with the bullshit?!!?
“My light broke”. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. This goddamn faerie is grossing me out with her labor orgasm. Giggidty GROSS. How come her high pitched shriek shattered one bottle but none of the other glass ware? Why is that baby not covered in gore? Excuse me while I go throw up.
Bill and Salome have some super awkward sex which is about as hawt as watching some senior citizens go at it. Sure they get discounts all over the place, but that is something I’d rather not see til I am doing it myself. Ya heard?
And now the hunter has become the hunted. Or whatever. Alcide did his laundry and has some clean shirts to wear. But the V that he takes must have made him so angry that he tore the sleeves off his shirt. Man, now you’re gonna have to go get a new shirt. Oh and he kills that old shitty furry and takes over as pack master. Yay?
What’s that story? There was an old woman who swallowed a fly? Well this one time, this old crappy vampire swallowed Sam and then he turned her inside out.
Team Vamp storms HQ and… Bwahahahaha, this aint no Crouching Tiger, Hidden Vampire bitches! Watching Nora fly through the air was pretty much the funniest thing that’s ever happened on this show.
Seeing Tara make out with Pam killed my lady boner. I has the sads now.
The poor prop department made so much blood and some poor PA must have spent days getting the splatter just right on all those sets. I bet that is not a glamorous job. Do you think it washes out or stains? It must stain a little bit, right? Is there a special detergent you have to use or just regular soap? All these questions and more on Raygun’s Prop Corner. I need a catchier name. Prop Talk? Yeah, that will do.
Bill’s a douche. That is all I have to say on that.
SIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH. I can’t, I just can’t. Really? Another season? REALLY? I’m going to leave you with this, which sums up everything I just wrote.
