This is Really Really Not Dracula


marie mccray draculaI am usually a big fan of the Hustler genre parodies.

Maybe they set the bar high with This Ain’t Avatar XXX, but I was also into This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX, This Ain’t Star Trek, and even This Ain’t Hollywood squares with the guy in the Alf suit. Maybe I just have higher standards for vampire movies. Maybe everyone just has higher standards for vampire movies, even porno parody ones.

Whatever the case, the talent looks fine. Marie McCray and Jessi Palmer are particularly sexy women, but everyone in the movie looks kind of sweaty and uncomfortable, like their makeup is itching their pores. Vampire sex in particular should not look uncomfortably perspiration-inducing. The undead do not sweat. Or even glow.

The teeth. The vampire teeth are especially buck-toothed and goonie-looking. Really dreadful and made worse by how nice the monsters were in the Avatar porn.

All I can really say for This Ain’t Dracula XXX is that they released it in time for Halloween and it is only $1.99 to get access to that and all of the good Hustler parody flicks.


Your Cart