If it’s any consolation, Arya, you’re taking it like a champ. Welcome to HBO’s Classic Game of Thrones, where Arya is becoming quite the little mortician. Unfortunately, and in spite of the fact that she might’ve fit in better with the Addams family than the Starks, she’s not too happy about it. She didn’t come to the House of Black and White to clean bodies, dammit! Unfortunately the house and its inhabitants are ever mysterious so it’s looking like that’s all she’ll be doing for a while.
Jorah auditions for his spot on The Walking Dead- just kidding. But he DOES have grayscale and he ISN’T telling Tyrion. Which you know makes him that one guy who got bit and won’t ‘fess up.
Pop back to Arya, who sees that perhaps they also heal people at the House of B&W… Oh no wait the water is poisoned and kills people. Super. Not at all sketchy. Arya decides “F this” and finds the creepiest mask room ever. The faces of all who have perished in this house, all laid out. By going where she’s not allowed she’s apparently proven that she can handle the next step. Not to be no one, but to at least be someone else.
Back to Tyrion and the liar (listen I’m not feeling so charitable – still pissed at him over his rude dudebro behavior to Dany, so this is just nails in a coffin) who manage to run into slavers. Good job, boys. They get captured but Dany’s decision making last week turns in their favor when Tyrion is able to talk them into selling them at the fighting pits, bringing them closer to Dany and along their planned journey.
Petyr Balish is scum! Wow what a plot twist! He parlays with Cersei to tell her that he’s found Sansa and mounts an attack on Winterfell to go get her. If they win he becomes Warden of the North – essentially what Ned Stark once did. However, Cersei also wants Sansa dead. Littlefinger doesn’t seem to have much issue with this. I hate him so very much.
Myrcella seems to be quite happy in Dorne, taking a walk, doing her thing. When all of a sudden her dad/uncle arrives and tells her she has to come with him! Jaime. Would a soft sell kill you? Ok maybe yes actually, since that’s when the Sand Snakes turn up and have at him. Uh oh.
Guys. I can handle a lot of ugly stuff on TV and in my media in general. But frankly this just pisses me off. I hate this entire “Loras on trial for being gay” plot line. It’s so unnecessary. And so ridiculous. Why do we have to put our own bigotry in every fantasy world? Seriously, why? Why do we expect all fictional universes to conform to our problems? Can’t we get more creative and give them DIFFERENT bigotry? Ughhh.
Anyway.
Loras is on trial. There’s nothing his sister and grandmother can do about it either, though they both try. Loras’s squire throws him under the bus, claiming to be sleeping with Loras and to know he’s got a tattoo on his thigh. The Sparrows put Loras and Margery on trial. Cersei is having a really good day today.
And then my precious baby, Sansa, who really just needs to be wrapped up in a blanket and hugged and given hot chocolate and assured it’ll all be ok, gets nothing of the sort. Miranda tries to scare off Sansa but that fails, and she marries Ramsay Bolton. Reek gives her away.
In an entirely inappropriate scene given the ages involved (not to mention the wrong characters), Sansa and Ramsay consummate their marriage. Reek is forced to watch. I have some strong words for the writers, who are obviously not to be trusted with any of these characters or a delicate portrayal of sensitive material, given how utterly ham-fisted they’ve proven themselves to be. D&D, I am putting you on notice.
