Mole Town looks like a pretty shitty place. There’s no way I would ever buy real estate there. It looks dirty and full of STDs. The Wildlings continue there Tour of Terror and lay waste to the place. Ygritte is just as handy with a spear as she is with her bow, but when she hears baby Sam and Gilly, she lets them live. Oh that’s a lot of blood. Dripping right through the floor boards huh? Blargh.
Sam is down in the dumps over Mole Town, but the others convince him that she probably hid and is okay. She’s got moxy, Sam! She’ll be okay!
Grey Worm spies on Missandei, who is bathing in the river and has cute little pert bobbies. He tries to apologize and they have a touching moment.
The Bastard sends Theon on his undercover journey to deliver Moat Cailin. That’s not so much a moat as a swamp full of dead, rotting corpses. Man, I thought Harrenhall was a shit hole. Theon, does his best scared chihuahua impersonation while he shakes and tells the leader to surrender. He considers the offer, coughs blood on Theon and then gets an axe in the head from one of his compadres. Sure, you’ll totally be able to go free if you surrender. Believe what you want…
In the castle in the sky, Littlefinger now has a new problem to weasel his way out of. He’s going with the suicide route? Sansa confesses her real identity to the panel and for once is able to save herself, and LF. For once she is in a position of power and chooses to bet on the enemy you know. LF gives Robin a pep talk, so who knows where that’s gonna go. And Sansa, that bitch can sew! That dress with the weird little raven wing shoulder pads? Yes please!
You should never complain about slow mail again, because Jorah FINALLY gets his pardon from the Seven Kingdoms for spying on Dany, after like, what? Four years or so? Dany does not take the news well, and you can’t blame her even tho Jorah would do anything for her. Now Dany only has one dad.
Arya and the Hound finally get to the Eyeie and hear the sad news about Aunt Lysa, which makes Arya lose her shit and laugh like a maniac.
Let’s get on with the fight! First we get a long winded story about beetle smashing from Tyrion, about why horrible people do horrible things. the Mountain certainly is huge but Oberyn is wiry and fast and gets a couple jabs and scratches in before he gets his fucking head smashed in. I mean, what did you think was gonna happen?
We need some Ser Pounce after that as a unicorn chaser. Blargh.
