So you guys saw the Game of Drinks post, right, about the GoT drinking game? Alright! Let’s follow along!
This episode is titled “A Man Without Honor”, yeah, but WHO is the man without honor, cuz that seems to be most of the people in this show these days. Honor, shmonor. I do what I want cuz we don’t have text messaging so no one knows what’s going on.
In the style of Rosemary Clooney, EVERYTHING’S COMING UP THEON. Not really, but he’s chasing the boys… HODOR, DRINK! Brann, Rickon, and Osha high tail it out of Winterfell for greener pastures. That is totally funny if you’ve read the books. Theon is all pissy and nothing good could possibly come of this!
Bastard Jon has morning wood! I mean, I don’t blame him, Gwen from Downton, I mean Ygritte, is pretty hot for a Ginger. All Gingers are hot. What am I talking about? Wait, how is Jon a virgin? Is he just too emo? I’d think any girl in Winterfell would hit that shit, I mean what else is there to do?
Back in fucking Harrenhall, everything is terrible and everyone dies. That giant, The Mountain is an asshole and they are just GLOSSING OVER THE BLOODY MUMMERS COMPLETELY and it is freaking me out. Maybe it’s for the best, that group of people is terrible and will give you nightmares, so let’s just act like none of it ever happened and I don’t have night terrors about lisping sociopaths. Every episode should be two hours. This is bullshit. At this point so much is getting left out or condensed.
Yeah maybe fucking Harrenhall is the strongest castle ever built, but not against dragons. Dur. DRINK!
Tywin seems like a Drunkle when talking to Arya and she is skating on thin fucking ice with him. He’s amused by her boldness but eventually she’s going to overstep her bounds if she doesn’t watch it. Maybe Jaqen will show up and be hot in the corner. What was I talking about?
Jaqen was totally not in this episode. But he’s always in my dreams.
Blah blah blah Sansa. The Hound is awesome, but maybe a little creepy right here.
Dany wants her kids back. Social services, or the warlocks took em. This is boring.
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
Christ, this fucking nurse bitch again. Why doesn’t Robb have better taste. I mean, she’s not that hot. She’s just mouthy. How does that make a good girlfriend? Or a hookup? Blah blah blah. She’s no lady!
Dany can’t trust anyone with her dragons missing. Poor Jorah just wants to protect her but he’s way too old for her. I get it, he’s the only one who believes in her but this isn’t gonna work out.
Sansa is a woman now? Oh boy! Cersei is so “compassionate”. DRINK. A women’s duty seems pretty fucking shitty in this universe. Poop out a baby! Have a dick for a husband! Poop out another baby!
This is the first we’ve seen of Jaime in a while. Bitch is dirty as hell. And a big jerk too! Kill your own cousin? What is this, Alabama? DRINK!
Quaithe knows things she shouldn’t know and kinda tells Jorah. Pryat Peet and his shitty House of the Undying freaks me out. Your fucking carnie tricks will get you nowhere!
Tyrion and Cersei have some nice conversation. DRINK. Cersei seems almost repentent for her sins. But not enough. She just has a case of the sads cuz she probably won’t get to bone her brother again, not cuz she thinks she’s done anything wrong.
The Scissor Sisters defend Jaime against an angry mob but Jaime cuts right thru Cat’s facade and everything she believes in. Honor definitely depends on what side of history you are on.
Theon gets the final scene here when he presents two burned corpses to the people of Winterfell. DRINK!
Predictions! KFC offers a new dish, Fried Princeling! Now available in Spicy and Original flavors!
