Note: Jimbo goes long and deep on this one, much like Aquaman did on Aqualad. This is very spoiler, so don’t read it until you watch it. .
Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Game of Thrones gots ta go. Say what you want, but that Jane Fonda has some catchy chants. You know who else has catchy chants? Tyrion. I liked his last few episodes catchy tunes like ‘You can’t burn them all, you dolt!’ and who can forget ‘Varys I hardly knew ye, well except for the decades we spent together and oh, my bad for getting you killed’? Priceless classics, worth their weight in Lannister gold.
For all of those who have to tape GOT because a loved one is watching ‘The Game’ please take solace that no matter what team your loved one is rooting for today, they’re playing for second place. I haven’t seen two teams play this hard for second place since the Night King arm wrestled Jaime.
Up next and a minute overdue—we bring you Game of Thrones: This is the End.
Predictions: Jon lives. Arya lives. Danny tries to burn Jon alive. He walks through the flames all God like and goes plickity plow all over her. Me thinks Sansa will not make it because Lady Stoneheart will come and…yeah, I know. Right? Right.
We start with the recap from hell—dust, blood, and guts everywhere.
Ext – Ash covered King’s Landing – Day.
Tyrion marches through the ashen ruins of what used to be King’s Landing. He sees the obligatory dead kid and keeps on marching. What must be going through his head? His brother killed the Mad King aka Danny Daddy to stop this from happening before with Wild Fire. Tyrion himself had done something similar when he moved the Wild Fire. Now, he, Jon, and Ser Onion march through the carnage.
It’s not safe. Let me send some rapis…err..men with you – Jon
As they sentence the prisoners to die, Jon and Onion come by to stop Grey Worm from being a real douchebaggings. If they want to kill all who follow Cersei, then why not have them pledge loyalty to Danny instead? This foreshadows what will come when Grey Worm (who has never changed) will have to die, much like the guy whose throat he slit from behind.
The scale of King’s Landing is dwarfed (no pun) only by the scale of destruction. It’s like the previous seasons demonstrated the massiveness of the area only to come to this moment of despair. A despair that Tyrion holds in his heart as he marches down the stairs to see if the torch flame follows a possible air pocket. Are his brother and sister alive? Will Cersei kill him if she is? Will Danny? We’ve seen all too well the ‘price for Treason’ here.
I would put a golden hand in the rubble for him to…holy crap! Stay out of my mind!!!! That granny porn was merely a joke! The emotional weight that Tyrion exhibits as he digs his brother’s hand out is immense. I am not convinced that the arm is attached to anything, though. Well, color me wrong on that one. The twins died the way they came into life—boning. This is shot really well, for what it’s worth. The imagery is precise—no angle is wasted.
Arya looks at Jon push his way through the lines of horsepeople and dickless wonders. How Grey Worm beat him up the stairs is beyond me. Maybe his horse goes really fast once POWs are slaughtered? We see the lone dragon (that will fry Jon and reveal him to really be Targaryen) fly behind Danny for an amazing Angel of Death shot. Did anyone else catch that? She looked like a demon in the shot—the demon that she really is and always was.
Blood of my Blood, go out and rape as much as you wish – Danny
Does anyone else remember—exactly—what horsepeople do to conquered people? Does anyone else remember what an Oxford Comma is? I’m looking at you Subtitle guy. We see Arya look up at Danny and, although she can’t understand a word being said, the gist is quite clear. War—and more of it.
Tyrion makes his way forward to hopefully kill her but instead stands next to her. She accuses him of treason, and he points out her killing of innocent lives. The removal and throwing of the Hand causes everyone to stop in their tracks. Tyrion, we knew ye well. Does Bronn save Tyrion here? Does Jon? Maybe their sex child ‘Jronn’?
Then again, maybe nobody does. Instead, Arya pops up next to Jon and gets a hug. The talk here goes direct—Arya tells Jon of the threat that Danny poses because of his lineage. A battle between Winterfell and King’s Landing started this mess and a battle between the two will end it. My money is on Sansa—Danny may have a dragon but Sansa’s the bleeding Dark Phoenix. Rawr!
Jon visiting Tyrion recalls us to an earlier time when the Bastard and the Dwarf talked a bit higher North. Tyrion takes over Varys’s mantle and addresses Jon directly. This talk makes me wonders if Brienne gets a shot at giving Jaime a bit of vengeance. Maybe she is the one who cuts through Grey Worm’s stomach? The direct line of questioning Tyrion does to Jon calls us back to Sam’s earlier. Jon is a good guy—he has too much of his ‘non’-father’s honor in him. Danny doesn’t change—that is the main point of Tyrion’s speech, what could be his final speech.
Love is the death of duty – Jon quoting a dead wise man.
Tyrion lays it bare for Jon, ‘You are the shield who guards the realm of men’. These words tie Jon’s honor with his duty and love. It’s a Hail Mother pass by Tyrion, but it misses its mark. A simple sorry is all Jon gives Tyrion but the talk about Sansa and Arya gives him pause.
Would you let your aunt/lover be Queen if it meant killing your nieces/sisters? That’s the reality Jon faces. He tries so much to avoid the mantle of power, but the more he does—the more horrible things become for all around him. He is the Philosopher King, the one who should be king and knows enough not to want it.
The Iron Throne is untouched. The walk to the throne resembles the slow marches of so many who came before her, but Danny marches alone. Danny reaches out, slowly, to grasp her prize. How cool would it have been if it crumbled to dust under her hands? How very fitting of her reign. A mouthful of ash.
Jon yells at Danny and mentions the little children burned to fish for her soul. Danny knows so little here that he asks Jon how he would act in her place. Forgiveness. Jon’s biggest trait was forgiveness. Danny’s words ring false against Tyrion’s. Her warning is directly at his sister and, quite probably, himself. She wants him as a King and a lover. A quick blade to her would end it all. My lord! I swear to you, I am typing this out before it happens. I also swear to you that the GILF porn is my umm…cats? My only question is—Arya or Jon? The crying makes it apparent it’s Jon. It was his duty to the kingdom to kill the Mad Queen. A single tear freezes on her face.
Now, about that BBQ Jon ordered, or is about to become. I still think he walks away from it unharmed or at least reborn. The dragon knows she’s dead and it’s a bit like watching an Ewok nudge the dead mother in Jedi—a 12 story 13 tonne Ewok. Nub nub.
He does what has to be done and melts the Throne, the obsession that killed his mommy. Of course, they might have shown us that throne melt to see how much Jon can really take full force from a dragon. A very gentle dragon taking his mother off to the promised land with one last flight. I still wanted to see Jon come out of that fire reborn like the prophecy suggested, but we move on.
Cut to: Tyrion, again. This time Grey Worm is escorting him out to be executed unless Jon can stop it. Doesn’t Grey Worm wonder where his Queen is at this time? Is he just going willy-nilly now? Or has he been in that cell for a long time? He sees Sansa and a bunch of other lords/ladys.
Jon, the true King of the World, is a prisoner. Great. Ser Onion gives a great speech about letting everyone start over and be peaceful. Nobody is listening, though. Tyrion asks that the people choose a King or Queen and a bunch of people we haven’t seen or care a crap about will now throw their hats in the ring to be the new president of Amer…er…the 7 Kingdoms.
This is Sansa’s time to shine but will anyone recognize that Jon is the true king? Maybe that’s the true game but first, Sam stands up and introduces the Popular Vote and it gets a reaction like it would in the States. When they ask the Imp to see who should be King, the choice becomes obvious for him. All Hail WORG, SON OF WORG! (Ooops, not at GenCon yet…).
You know, I was joking when I said the episode would be like the first season of Iron Fist but with 30 minutes left…umm…sigh. It could be worse; Tyrion could suggest Bran as Ki…really? It seems that Tyrion is making a change of direction with Sam’s idea and making it for just the Lords and Ladies be the vote.
If we give you the crown, would you be nice and cool and not kill everyone? – Tyrion
Why do you think I came all this way? To watch your brother rape your sister on their son’s coffin? I already did that as a raven—man; he hit that harder than he pushed me out of a window. – Bran
Sansa’s jealousy gets the best of her and she abstains from the vote. I bet this makes the Iron Islands feel really dumb. If she didn’t vote so quickly, she could have been free, too. When Bran asks Tyrion to be his Hand, did anyone else think that it might be killed off? I wonder what Grey Worm’s punishment will be. By all rights, he needs to die.
Tyrion’s punishment seems to be having to tell Jon that he is to be an outcast from society and serve the Watch, which is how we found him in the first place. This is all nice and all, but did anyone forget there was a damn dragon flying around?
As Jon does his walk of shame, Grey Worm gives a massive stink eye. His crew is taking off to be where they should have been at the end of the war, Narnia. Or Naarth (isn’t that what Pinky used to say?). I’m not sure how I feel about Sansa and Arya going back up North. I guess I won’t have to figure it out as Arya drops the bombshell of her continuing her adventures West of Kayne. As the Stark-ish kids say goodbye, I can’t help but wonder how anti-climatical the rest of this episode will be after blowing their wad in the first few minutes.
Brienne takes over as King’s Guard Captain. I think that is quite fitting. Her connection to him makes this last act a bit of closure. It’s like an obituary for Jaime, and unlike recent obituaries, nary a swear word mention of the VA being ****burgers anywhere. A lesson we can all learn as she closes the book on her past, forever.
As Tyrion rearranges furniture, one has to wonder where Bronn is in all of this. The person he can’t be on set with anymore is dead to the show. He should be able to—YES! Nicely done. It’s great to see him here and Sam at King’s Landing, too.
A Song of Ice and Fire – Sam
What’s that? – GRRM
The book you’ve should have finished years ago, schmuck – Sam
The table is missing a few people as Bran the Broken states but what is not missing is witty banter. As much as I like this scene, it seems a bit of a direct warning to all of us—even the Game of Thrones boils down to bureaucracy.
The long ride to Castle Black finds old friends reunited. This is what Jon wanted. I am pretty sure that’s all what he wanted. Arya gets what she wanted, too. All of the Starks do. Well, not Ned/Ed/Tony—that poor bastard.
That’s it! That’s all s/he wrote for the Game of Thrones. A few questions remain, of course. I think we can all see Sansa will be a Queen like none other and Jon is all set up nicely, too. My question is—Arya. Does she get a spin off? I’m not saying a spin-off for the show, but a spin-off series in the books. That leads to another question—do the books even end the same? I doubt they do but if/when they don’t, what become canon? Is it the World Creator, GRMM? Is it the first thing we see in the HBO show? Something in between? If Harry Potter ended with Draco playing guitar in a food court, would it have mattered? Were we not entertained?
It’s been a wild ride and although I have not agreed with the zigs the show did away from the source material (a bit too rape-y for me, especially for scenes that didn’t have it before), I have to say I enjoyed the ride. It truly is an end of an era (and I was right about Jon and Arya living and even how Jon kills Danny, so meh, not too bad for a ghost). I’m thankful to not only the cast and crew of the show, but to Sexy Fandom. I love writing and they gave me some of the best memories a freelance can ever have. Hats off to everyone at SexyFandom and to you, my dear reader (I am assuming the singular is fine). Thank you for staying in there with my rants and predictions—not to mention my staccato style. Without you, well…
What next HBO? If the commercial saying ‘It’s just the start’ is any clue, HBO knows they are truly screwed. Or are they? There’s always something better coming ‘round, isn’t there?
Fade Black
