Did you miss me? Well, I’m back and so is the goodness that is the Game of Thrones. It was a Game of Starks last time with everyone from Jon Snow Stark (seriously, does anybody not think he’s Ned’s nephew?) take lead of his life to Arya Stark channel her inner Daredevil training montage to to Bran watching the GoT equivalent of home videos to Rickard Stark getting served to Ramsay. We even had random dead Starks make an appearance. In fact, I think the only Stark who didn’t get a nod last episode was off fighting Captain America.
With the last episode caught up, I bring you the magic that is Episode Four: A New Hope (or whatever this one’s called).
We start in a packing montage. Jon Snow is off to Florida for Spring Break but first a family reunion with Sansa. Sansa seems a bit, well, mature here. I like this version of her. Can her maturity help convince Jon to retake Winterfell? Only time will tell.
Brienne lays some smack down on Davos and the Red Lady. But we cut all too soon to…
Littlefinger comes back to the show and so does the simpleton that is Lord of the Vale. If anyone needs to be thrown through the Moon Door, well, my vote is for everyone in this scene. It looks like the Knights of the Vale are on the march.
Just as my ‘why are they still here’ tolerance runs out, Tyrion and company save the day. Tyrion makes a great diplomat and the training he got on the Small Council pays off. The question is, will Grey Worm and company play ball?
It looks like the odd couple are back and they are off to save their Queen from her retirement home. Queue the K-Mart version of Khal Drogo and his rather sleepy guards. I hope the rescue plan of ‘wait until the Khaleesi has to pee and wander into her’ isn’t a warning of the writing to come.
Before I can ponder the amount of luck that plan had to have in order to succeed, the scene shifts and the High Sparrow comes on. I can’t help to think if the show did anything with the Knight of Flowers or if his fate was like the character in the book. Either way, the High Sparrow reaches out to Queen Margaery to show her to her brother. Whelp, I guess that answers my memory on which version of the character exists for the series. He’s seen better times, but I’m sure something ‘good’ is coming just around the corner. I mean, this is the Game of Thrones we’re talking about! Good things always happen to main characters, right?
Cersei gets some alone time with her kid. I usually worry about placing such young actors in deeply emotional roles, but I think he has the pudgy face pouting look down pat. I’m not saying I don’t dig his shown acting range, but he does give Mannequin Skywalker a run for his money.
Theon makes an appearance as he looks longingly on the ship. Then longingly at his sister. Then even more longingly at the floor. A lot of long looks for Theon in this scene. With one line of ‘Tell me what you want!’, the plot starts to turn back to the novel. Sorta.
And Sorta is where we go next. As in Ramsay Sorta needs to have a lot of things cut off and fed to him. And we are just one apple peeler away from having our dreams come true. Ouch. Maybe next time. Maybe we should have our own deadpool and see which one of the random Starks ends up killing Ramsay. My money is on…hmm….Sansa would make too much darn sense. I guess I’ll have to go with…okay, I’ll stick with Sansa. The writers owe her (and us) at least that much.
Back to where we began with a Stark family reunion. This time, we get a letter from one bastard to another. Will Jon fall for the ‘You are the true king’ trap or is dying once for him enough? As my dearest old friend Roadblock used to say, ‘King Me!’(and that’s just when we played chess…). I must say that I am looking forward to the show, once again, getting back (near) the track the books laid out. The show is, in my opinion, at its best (and least rapiest) when they follow the material given to them by RR.
Back to the horse shaggers. Everything is set. All we need now is a locked room full of shirtless dudes waiting to either rape and/or trade Daenerys in and/or with some horses. I was waiting for her to start everything on fire. Fire…. Fire…… Fire! Seriously, if I had as many enemies as she does, I’d be walking around in a flaming gym suit. Where’s Lenny Kravitz when you need him? We end on a bright note.
Until next time, remember we don’t need no water, let the mother sucker burn. Burn mother sucker, burn.
