Game of Thrones 49 – A Dance Of Dragons (Not the Cha Cha Slide)

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And so it goes to episode nine of this season of HBO’s Game of Thrones.

We start with the longest God damn intro ever. Lots to catch up on I guess, especially after last week. And in the true spirit of A Song Of Ice And Fire, where last week ended with ice zombies, this week starts when Stannis’s camp is set on fire. Ramsay is crazy as hell but his plan DID work. Feeling a little sorry for Lady Baratheon looking dowdy as all get out next to the Red Woman.

Pop over to Jon Snow and his tiny little party of Wildlings who survived last week. Poor things get a shit welcome – the Crows are glaring and clearly don’t want them at Castle Black.

Supplies burnt, Stannis sends Ser Daavos off to get more from Castle Black. Before he goes he says goodbye to Princess Shireen and gives her a gift for teaching him to read. (I’m not crying – you’re crying.)

In Dorne, Jaime has a tense dinner with the Martells. Myrcella is happy in Dorne but they agree to have her come back to Kings Landing, along with Prince Trystan.

In Braavos, Arya is off to assassinate the insurance man. But on the way she sees a familiar face. Myran Trant – one of Joffreys old lackeys. He’s guarding Mace Tyrell’s visit to the Iron Bank. Tyrell is silly and comical. Trant is not. Arya follows him to a brothel where the writers continue to make me raise a brow as he’s shown to be a pedophile. I get it they want to make him look as horrible as he is. And if they had a lighter touch with this I wouldn’t be so bothered. But the writers are trigger happy with sexual assault the way that Martin is trigger happy with death. Frankly I prefer the death.

Arya returns to the House of B&W empty handed.

Back in Dorne, Ellaria swears fealty to Lord Martell. It’s awkward. After, she visits Jaime to assure him no hard feelings. Also she’s not gonna judge him about the incest thing. That makes one of us, honey.

Back to Stannis and Shireen having a daddy daughter chat. It’s… It’s really just twisting the knife for what’s about to happen. Because he finally takes the Red Woman’s advice and has his daughter sacrificed. Poor Shireen. The Red Woman waiting at the end of the walk to the stake is like the evil stepmother from hell. You guys and your religion REALLY need to tone it down. I’m hoping this isn’t how it goes in the books.

At the last moment her mother tries to save her (not very hard), but it’s all too late. Major points to the actress for being so young and SO good. I was shaking a bit.

Then cheers and a packed stadium for the reopened Meereen fighting pits. Dany is uncomfortable and I don’t blame her. There’s awkward chatting in the royal box over if brains are better than brawn. I went to a medieval fencing competition in Paris yesterday and usually small and smart and fast DOES win. Only not today.

And then. Fucking Jorah. AGAIN. Dude you need to leave her alone. In the pit, he’s fighting for her but with that grayscale no matter who wins, everyone loses.

Lucky for Dany though, he survives and is the first to spit an assassination attempt by the Sons of the Harpy. Dany is swiftly widowed but there’s too many of them. They end up surrounded in the ring. Until Deus Ex Dragonia – Drogon saves his mummy. He eats some fools and then Dany climbs on his back and they fly off. I got chills. Tyrion and the gang did too I think.




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