Star Trek Into Darkness Teaser


What was released today for Star Trek:Into Darkness cannot be called a trailer. Even on the Apple Trailers page they are calling it an ANNOUNCEMENT. What are you announcing? That you hate us and you want to give us a nerd boner only to make fun of our Game of Thrones tshirt before you leave? COME ON JJ! Also, Into Darkness is not a good title. How about Star Trek:Wrath of Not Khan? Or Star Trek:Cumberboner Edition? Or Star Trek:The Search for More Money?

On with the show! (Scroll down for the trailer.)

Hello Futuristic San Francisco! I want to live in you!

Who dis bitch?

Epic giant gun punch fight! I’m pretty sure that is Cumberbatch and Spock fighting, hard to tell and even scrubbing through the footage I couldn’t get a clear view of faces. Can’t we all just get along? Can’t we have a scene where Spock and Cumberbatch make out!? They are like twinsies! HAAAAAWWWWWTTT.

“I’m Chris Pine. This is my shocked face.” What up Uhura, you sexy bitch. I think I have that same jacket!


Spock repelling to his most certain doom. He’ll be okay, he’s wearing a space suit. Right? RIGHT!?!?

See! He’s fine! I think I have that jacket too. I may have a problem. Do you think we’ll be seeing Vulcan eyebrows on the runway soon? I do.

Enterprise, go home. Yer drunk! That’s not space!

Some threesome action. That’s right, soften him up a little bit before we go to town. What? I think I just blacked out there for a second. What was I saying?

That doesn’t bode well.

Oh Cumberbatch, you smug bastard! Can I make you a sammich? Benedicts love sammiches.

So there you have it. I think this offering will be fun, it will probably make some of us cry. I’m hoping it will be GOOD, but I’m not going to hold my breath. After the disappointment of Skyfall I just can’t get my hopes up that much. I think JJ will try to do the franchise some justice and we’ll see what the ACTUAL trailer looks like…. I did not see ANY MONSTERS and that makes me somewhat sad. Maybe there will be some big dragony thing among all that molten lava? DUNNO!


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