Here is the thing about the internet: No matter what the thing is, somebody somewhere made porn for it and somebody somewhere made sure that got online. So have you ever fantasized about Oompa Loompa porn? Usually, this would be my cue to say, “me either” . . . in an ironic way. But, in this case, really, me neither. Once you hear the idea, though, you kind of have to look.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats.
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don’t like the look of it
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Given good manners you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-da-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
Gum chewing’s fine when it’s once in a while.
It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile.
But it’s repulsive revolting and wrong.
Chewing and chewing all day long.
The way that a cow does
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Given good manners you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doompadee dee
If you are wise you will listen to me
Who do you blame when your kid is a brat
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?
Blaming the kids is a lion of shame
You know exactly who’s to blame:
The mother and the father!
Oompa Loompa doompadee dah
If you’re not spoiled then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do
Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
What do you get from a glut of TV?
A pain in the neck and an IQ of three
Why don’t you try simply reading a book?
Or could you just not bear to look?
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no commercials
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah
If you’re not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa
Oompa Loompa doompadee do
