So now that everyone’s come to some terms with the Stark massacre that happened last episode, a Starkacre if you will, what exactly is going to happen to the war? It’s now down to the Lannisters and good Ol’ Stoney Face Stannis. Stannis may not have a large army, or friends, or a sane wife, but he makes up for it with that priestess who definitely has plans of her own. We’ll get to that, but first, since it’s the season finale we have to check in with alllllll the characters.
The fallout from the Red Wedding is not pretty, all the Stark troops get horribly hacked up and burned and while the Hound and Arya escape they see poor Robb’s body with Grey Wind’s head attached. Not cool guys!
Tyrion and Sansa seem to be getting along, trading jokes and scheming, what a nice change of pace! Sure hope she doesn’t find out about Robb… wait, too late. The news of the RW goes over well at the Small Council, with Joffery bursting at the seams with sadistic glee. He’s so happy that he can’t help himself from making threats and japes at Tyrion, who is never one to back down. But once Joffery steps too far over the line he is ever so quickly put in his place by Grandpa Grumpy, to the chagrin and delight of everyone else at the table. Even more daddy issues bubble up between Tyrion and Tywin and boy is that getting uncomfortable. Tyrion and Cersei have a heart to heart and it’s hard not to feel just a little bit bad for Cersei having such a little shit for a kid.
Bran’s Crew come to the creepy castle they’ve been looking for. And who creeps out of the dark but a fat little piggy! Sam and Gilly found the passage from the castle to beyond the Wall and lead Bran and his trusty crew through to have their own snowy adventure.
Old Fucking Frey goes on and on about how clever he is while Bolton remains stoic and then catches us up on the fall of Winterfell and the Iron Born. Checking in on our torture porn with Theon, everything is horrible. I liked it better when all this shit happened off camera.
Look, it’s Balon! Look, he’s still an asshole! The Kraken doesn’t care about poor old Theon, but remarkably, his sister now does and takes a ship and a bunch of tough dudes to go get him back. Good luck with that!
Arya isn’t going to take any shit, now more than ever. Arya and the Hound are becoming uncomfortable but fast friends on their never-ending story through the woods. But when they come across some Twins bannermen, bragging about killing her family, well, she pulls some seriously gnarly shit. And I love that the only thing the Hound says is that next time, tell him first. Awesome.
And now the lovers. Jon and Ygritte have one last spat, ending with a few key arrows in hurtful places. But Jon manages to mount his horse and return to Castle Black. Jaime and Brienne finally return to King’s Landing, Stumpy hopes for the best, but we’ll see.
Across the narrow sea, Dany gets even more mouths to feed on her World Freedom Tour.
Finally, in depressing Dragonstone, Davos and Gendry have a nice heart to heart. Davos lets Gendry go when Stannis decides to sacrifice him to the flames. Oh Davos, always gotta be so upstanding. Stannis is not pleased with him at all until he reads the scroll from Castle Black. “This war of five kings means nothing”. Pay attention kiddies. The Red Priestess is never wrong.
Well, another fantastic season from the GoT crew that will need to be rewatched a few times. See you kids in the next 9-12 months?
