Mama. Ooooh…
So after the last two weeks I think it’s unfair for HBO’s Game of Thrones to do anything other than leave us emotionally raw as all get out and try to torment us. (I’m personally still dealing with the loss of Shireen (and any attempt at decent writing this season) so that’s rough, you know?) so here we have the season wrapping up and we got no kind of air.
Stannis goes forward, the blessings of his Red God behind him – for what, I wonder, since his wife unfortunately ends her life and his forces are completely outmatched (which really everyone saw coming because LOGICALLY he had no chance, and murdering your daughter doesn’t actually fix your starving army and weaker forces). Stannis is beat, it all seems lost…
Over in Winterfell, Sansa attempts to signal for help. But help already left when Pod noticed that Stannis’s army needed them, so she’s left standing there as Brienne and Pod ride away. Instead, Sansa gets the girl insane enough to be happily with Ramsey threatening to shoot her. Reek saves the day and the pair leap off the Winterfell battlements in a really poorly written and desperately unrealistic escape attempt.
Then the cavalry appears for Stannis in the form of Brienne…. Who still hasn’t forgotten about Renly and I don’t even blame her, honestly. She kills Stannis and I ain’t even mad because I’m still upset over Shireen. Go on, Bri, geddim.
Over at Castle Black, a painfully unaware Ser Davos asks for reinforcements. Jon tells him there’s no damn way. Particularly since he’s just sent Sam off to go learn to be a Maester on the heels of their last trained maester’s death. Someone’s got to have that kind of training after all, and Sam makes a solid argument for himself. The Red Woman shows up and is acting all strange (gee I WONDER WHY). She won’t give anyone solid info, especially Davos, who tries to ask about his King and his princess. My heart omg.
Trant is tormenting another poor underage girl – who turns out to be Arya, given some damn fine reasons to learn to use different faces. She kills him (woo!) but the House of B&W isn’t about that life. Jaquen kills himself… Only he doesn’t? Because then his voice comes from the blonde gal? And then Arya is left going through false face after false face on dead bodies and everything is weird and then she goes blind. So. That’s? Okay.
Over in Dorne, the Lannister troupe heads back to Kings Landing. Myrcella awkwardly (everything is so awkward with them, dear god) mentions to Jaime that, yes, she knows he’s her daddy. She’s handling it pretty well, given the info, but suddenly seems terribly sick. Back on shore, so is Ellaria Sand. Because it looks like their goodbye smooch was laced with poison. Ellaria takes the antidote and it seems she wasn’t as okay with everything as she acted. Poor Myrcella! Being a teenage girl on this show is so freakin’ dangerous.
For older women, too, it seems, as Cersei admits to sleeping with Lancel for the High Sparrow. And nothing else. It’s a start, and it gets her out of the dungeons. But she has to take the ULTIMATE walk of shame back to the castle. Her head is brutally shaved and she’s forced to walk naked all the way home. The small folk gather to jeer and chant. This is gonna be a hard one to come back from for her, sadly.
Dany’s ride with Drogon is protected enough that her cabinet is a bit lost without her. It’s decided that Tyrion will run things along with Missandei while Daario leads a search party for their actual queen. Varys finally catches up and goes to help Tyrion run stuff. And I DO love him so I have a good feeling about that.
Dany is in the middle of utter nowhere and her dragon is off doing his own thing. So when a Dothraki group rides up, I’m left really hoping her language skills aren’t too rusty. Sadly we just don’t know.
When Cersei gets back from her long walk, her creepy Maester gives her a present: The Mountain That Rides, fully rezzed like a massive Frankenstien. Worth the walk back? Probably not. But let’s see.
Jon is approached by Olly, his assistant who has been complaining nonstop about how the Wildlings killed his family… Maybe Jon should have listened. Because Olly informs him that Jon’s uncle has been spotted and Jon needs to come right away…. And then the members of the Nights Watch who are least happy about Jon’s Wildling pact stab him. Repeatedly. Nice.
Guys. It’s been a helluva season.
