If you have ever wanted to imagine you were Han Solo ravishing Princess Leia — and, realistically, who hasn’t? — then camgirl Cassandra Cain is looking for you. Today, the message on her cam reads, “Happy Halloween! I am horny and looking for my Han Solo. Let’s go pvt.” Chat is free.
Oct 312011
May 162011
The Galactic Empire Times reports Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Vader Says. This hilariously genius article kicks off saying, “Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.” They just keep going on that theme and never drop character. I hope the Galactic Empire Times eventually reports on some other events. My favorite comment so far is from a poster named StormedTrooper who writes, “Why are we still giving aid to Tatooine? They probably knew of Kenobi’s existence the whole time and even helped him! That whole planet is just a big hive of scum and villainy.” Which is also very funny and my sexy Lord Vader looks mighty fine behind that podium. All of which begs the question of why exactly it is so easy to substitute Darth Vader’s Empire for USA there.
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May 112011
Any woman who sports Star Wars and Dark Crystal tattoos is good in my book. Spooky black cats optional but nice. High quality ink artwork a must. Add lots and lots of bloody naked vampire goodness and I’m all over it.
Forrest Black and Amelia G photographed Halloween Jen for this Gothic Sluts update and it is just really nice work. Assuming you are good with hot nude girls drooling (reportedly vanilla-flavored) blood.
May 042011
Obviously Star Wars is the best movie of all time and Darth Vader is the sexiest leading man of all time. Which means it deserves to be commemorated with observances more auspicious than a lisping pun. Get it? May the 4th [insert poor enunciation] May the Force . . . The whole May the 4th/May the Force pun is apparently officially sanctioned or perhaps even comes from Skywalker Ranch in the first place. But it is just wrong. Okay, I’m done now.
Apr 292011
I came across this Darth Vader cosplay shoot from God’s Girls. The thing about Star Wars cosplay (especially naked Star Wars cosplay) is that it is like pizza, even when it is not very good, it is still kind of awesome.
I’ve got a very nice Princess Leia bikini costume myself and I heartily approve of Star Wars cosplay. UGO has a whole gallery called Star Wars Cosplay and Costumes: Slave Leia. Jabba optional.
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Jul 162006
I pleased to be able to report that Mars Dust, the well-dressed fandom web site, has printed a prototype of a magazine they hope to do. Their first issue covers psychobilling and horror rock, Bruce Campbell, cosplay, Star Wars artist Sara Wilkinson, and Wonder Woman model Diana Knight of Blue Blood fame, and an article on how to become a spaceship entrepeneur and perhaps help Molly have weightless sexual relations. Okay, the last one is really just how to become a spaceship entrepreneur and I admit I read the rest into it.
Jul 132006
With Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest breaking all box office records, you would think it would be easier to find naked pictures of Johnny Depp online. I’m 99% sure that nude photos of the swashbucking pirate exist, so I’d appreciate it if someone would email me a link already. I’d also like to take this opportunity to thumb my nose at those who say that genre work is doomed to be smaller than “general interest” media. With $132 million smackeroos, Pirates beat the previous record-holder for opening weekend gross, which was of course another fandom movie, Spider-Man. With $55.5 million doubloons on opening Friday, Pirates also beat the previous one day gross record, which was held by Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The top grossing flick the weekend before Pirates opened was Superman Returns. So I think this fandom thing might just catch on. Subliminal message: hire more screenwriters to create and massage fandom scripts or just send me nekkid pics of Johnny Depp. Either one is good.
Apr 032006
Today Lucasfilm announced the licensing of a new line of “Adult” Star Wars novels.
“While the movies were still an ongoing project, it was important to portray all aspects of the Star Wars universe as wholesome family entertainment,” said Lucasfilm spokesmen Dirk Merdespieler. “However, now that the cycle of films is done, we can finally broaden the Star Wars franchise into marketing niches we’d heretofore avoided, and adult entertainment is at the top of our list.”
One of the first new licenses was awarded to longtime Star Wars novel publisher Del Rey Books, who will be putting out a line of Star Wars adult novels. Del Rey announced that the first book in the line would be Slave Girl of Tattoine by Barry Malzberg and Mike Resnick.
“Yeah, Barry and I had an old porn novel called Arab Slave Harem we’d never managed to sell, and it was pretty easy to alter so it fit in the Star Wars universe,” said Resnick when the two authors were reached for comment.
In the background, Malzberg could be heard laughing maniacally as he typed away at the updated manuscript.
“Instead of an Arab slave caravan, she gets captured by the Sand People and sold to Jabba the Hutt.”
“Hahaha! Banthas!” exclaimed Malzberg.
“Anyway, after some 200 pages she gets rescued by a young Luke Skywalker. All in all, its probably the easiest $50,000 Barry and I ever made.”
Del Rey’s publicist indicated that they were willing to look beyond traditional adult themes, and were willing to pay top dollar for works to fill what were previously considered niche markets. As proof, she cited the hiring of Pulitzer Prize winner E. Annie Proulx to pen Brokeback Falcon, a novel which explores the forbidden love between Han Solo and Chewbacca.
“The Star Wars universe is almost 30 years old,” said Merdespieler. “It’s high time our fans learned there’s more to life than comic books and action figures.” (via Locus)
Mar 232006
Alienware‘s new leader is Austin’s favorite college dropout, Michael Dell. According to a press release on the Dell site yesterday, Dell has confirmed their intent to acquire Alienware, the computer gaming system company which brought us all the nifty Star Wars pimped out boxes. The plan is for Alienware to continue to operate as a somewhat independent entity, while enjoying the advantages of Dell’s economies of scale. Dell claims to sell more computer systems than any other company in the world and is number twenty-eight on the Fortune 500. Those cyberpunk day traders among you will find that the NASDAQ symbol for Alienware’s new daddy is pleasingly predictably DELL.
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Nov 102005
Tonight is the Star Wars episode of The Apprentice. For those of you who have not taken note of anything not sf-related in the last couple of years, The Apprentice is a reality show starring Donald Trump. He and two of his top executives, George Ross and Carolyn Kepcher, judge a group of eighteen potential employees of the Trump organization. The contestants are split into two teams and each contestant takes a turn as project manager, as the teams compete on specific tasks. Tasks may include designing a float to promote the Zathura movie or running a lemonade stand. Over the time the show has been on the air, more and more tasks appear to have some sort of corporate sponsorship. I rather liked the more simple tasks which seemed like greater tests of the entrepreneurial spirit, but this week’s tie-in speaks to my heart. As most of you are aware, I am sincerely hot for sexy and bold Darth Vader. Seeing him and the Donald team up in the promo spots for tonight’s special show is giving me really disturbing double team fantasies. You can vote for your favorite promo spot on the NBC site now. The Darth side of the Force features Darth as the project manager on the Death Star project using the force to get one of the stormtroopers to take responsiblity for the poor marketing on that task. The Task of the Clones features Darth Vader in the Carolyn Kepcher executive role threatening to chop whichever stormtrooper contestant Donald Trump fires into tiny pieces with a light saber. And The Donald Strikes Back features Trump firing Chewbacca for speaking unclearly and having poor hygiene in the workplace. Chewie leaves trailing a little pink rolling suitcase into the elevator. They are all funny, but The Darth Side of the Force got my vote. There is nothing like a darkly sexy controlling man in an armored costume. At least, in fantasyland. In real life, I suppose Darth would be the painfully hot but insufferable old flame I told horror stories about. Thank goodness for fantasy.
Aug 092005
Japanese print media, although often more lurid than its American counterparts, tends to try to maintain the politest possible relations with the various public relations and management firms who handle the entertainment properties they do press on. This is generally not press in the way that Americans think of press, because we like to maintain the illusion that our press is free and honest and not slave to advertising interests. Japanese magazines routinely run articles by publicists and managers for approval before going to press. Generally, it is expected that a movie rep, for example, will correct any factual errors and try to remove spoilers and perhaps suggest any talking points they would prefer not be left out. In the case of the new Star Wars movie, however, the Lucasfilm reps have far overstepped the more standard levels of censorship or correction. They have excised any real analysis of Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. Critics have had to pull references to everything from political analogies to myth archetypes in their articles about the film. Magazines were told they would not have rights to run promo photography from the movie if they did not comply with all demands. This essentially means that the movie can’t be talked about in any meaningful way in the Japanese press. Enter Hiroto Kobayashi’s Cyzo magazine. Hiroto Kobayashi started off as the editor of Wired Japan, which he helmed until the parent magazine was sold to Conde Nast. Cyzo in print and on the web was launched to have a magazine which was a bit more free to truly speak to the people, to make access to information in Japan less restricted. This month it blew wide open the Star Wars censorship story, which previously had only been discussed in film critics’ blogs online.
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