I pleased to be able to report that Mars Dust, the well-dressed fandom web site, has printed a prototype of a magazine they hope to do. Their first issue covers psychobilling and horror rock, Bruce Campbell, cosplay, Star Wars artist Sara Wilkinson, and Wonder Woman model Diana Knight of Blue Blood fame, and an article on how to become a spaceship entrepeneur and perhaps help Molly have weightless sexual relations. Okay, the last one is really just how to become a spaceship entrepreneur and I admit I read the rest into it.

With Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest breaking all box office records, you would think it would be easier to find naked pictures of Johnny Depp online. I’m 99% sure that nude photos of the swashbucking pirate exist, so I’d appreciate it if someone would email me a link already. I’d also like to take this opportunity to thumb my nose at those who say that genre work is doomed to be smaller than “general interest” media. With $132 million smackeroos, Pirates beat the previous record-holder for opening weekend gross, which was of course another fandom movie, Spider-Man. With $55.5 million doubloons on opening Friday, Pirates also beat the previous one day gross record, which was held by Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The top grossing flick the weekend before Pirates opened was Superman Returns. So I think this fandom thing might just catch on. Subliminal message: hire more screenwriters to create and massage fandom scripts or just send me nekkid pics of Johnny Depp. Either one is good.

Today Lucasfilm announced the licensing of a new line of “Adult” Star Wars novels.

“While the movies were still an ongoing project, it was important to portray all aspects of the Star Wars universe as wholesome family entertainment,” said Lucasfilm spokesmen Dirk Merdespieler. “However, now that the cycle of films is done, we can finally broaden the Star Wars franchise into marketing niches we’d heretofore avoided, and adult entertainment is at the top of our list.”

One of the first new licenses was awarded to longtime Star Wars novel publisher Del Rey Books, who will be putting out a line of Star Wars adult novels. Del Rey announced that the first book in the line would be Slave Girl of Tattoine by Barry Malzberg and Mike Resnick.

“Yeah, Barry and I had an old porn novel called Arab Slave Harem we’d never managed to sell, and it was pretty easy to alter so it fit in the Star Wars universe,” said Resnick when the two authors were reached for comment.

In the background, Malzberg could be heard laughing maniacally as he typed away at the updated manuscript.

“Instead of an Arab slave caravan, she gets captured by the Sand People and sold to Jabba the Hutt.”

“Hahaha! Banthas!” exclaimed Malzberg.

“Anyway, after some 200 pages she gets rescued by a young Luke Skywalker. All in all, its probably the easiest $50,000 Barry and I ever made.”

Del Rey’s publicist indicated that they were willing to look beyond traditional adult themes, and were willing to pay top dollar for works to fill what were previously considered niche markets. As proof, she cited the hiring of Pulitzer Prize winner E. Annie Proulx to pen Brokeback Falcon, a novel which explores the forbidden love between Han Solo and Chewbacca.

“The Star Wars universe is almost 30 years old,” said Merdespieler. “It’s high time our fans learned there’s more to life than comic books and action figures.” (via Locus)

Alienware’s new leader is Austin’s favorite college dropout, Michael Dell. According to a press release on the Dell site yesterday, Dell has confirmed their intent to acquire Alienware, the computer gaming system company which brought us all the nifty Star Wars pimped out boxes. The plan is for Alienware to continue to operate as a somewhat independent entity, while enjoying the advantages of Dell’s economies of scale. Dell claims to sell more computer systems than any other company in the world and is number twenty-eight on the Fortune 500. Those cyberpunk day traders among you will find that the NASDAQ symbol for Alienware’s new daddy is pleasingly predictably DELL.

Tonight is the Star Wars episode of The Apprentice. For those of you who have not taken note of anything not sf-related in the last couple of years, The Apprentice is a reality show starring Donald Trump. He and two of his top executives, George Ross and Carolyn Kepcher, judge a group of eighteen potential employees of the Trump organization. The contestants are split into two teams and each contestant takes a turn as project manager, as the teams compete on specific tasks. Tasks may include designing a float to promote the Zathura movie or running a lemonade stand. Over the time the show has been on the air, more and more tasks appear to have some sort of corporate sponsorship. I rather liked the more simple tasks which seemed like greater tests of the entrepreneurial spirit, but this week’s tie-in speaks to my heart. As most of you are aware, I am sincerely hot for sexy and bold Darth Vader. Seeing him and the Donald team up in the promo spots for tonight’s special show is giving me really disturbing double team fantasies. You can vote for your favorite promo spot on the NBC site now. The Darth side of the Force features Darth as the project manager on the Death Star project using the force to get one of the stormtroopers to take responsiblity for the poor marketing on that task. The Task of the Clones features Darth Vader in the Carolyn Kepcher executive role threatening to chop whichever stormtrooper contestant Donald Trump fires into tiny pieces with a light saber. And The Donald Strikes Back features Trump firing Chewbacca for speaking unclearly and having poor hygiene in the workplace. Chewie leaves trailing a little pink rolling suitcase into the elevator. They are all funny, but The Darth Side of the Force got my vote. There is nothing like a darkly sexy controlling man in an armored costume. At least, in fantasyland. In real life, I suppose Darth would be the painfully hot but insufferable old flame I told horror stories about. Thank goodness for fantasy.

Japanese print media, although often more lurid than its American counterparts, tends to try to maintain the politest possible relations with the various public relations and management firms who handle the entertainment properties they do press on. This is generally not press in the way that Americans think of press, because we like to maintain the illusion that our press is free and honest and not slave to advertising interests. Japanese magazines routinely run articles by publicists and managers for approval before going to press. Generally, it is expected that a movie rep, for example, will correct any factual errors and try to remove spoilers and perhaps suggest any talking points they would prefer not be left out. In the case of the new Star Wars movie, however, the Lucasfilm reps have far overstepped the more standard levels of censorship or correction. They have excised any real analysis of Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. Critics have had to pull references to everything from political analogies to myth archetypes in their articles about the film. Magazines were told they would not have rights to run promo photography from the movie if they did not comply with all demands. This essentially means that the movie can’t be talked about in any meaningful way in the Japanese press. Enter Hiroto Kobayashi’s Cyzo magazine. Hiroto Kobayashi started off as the editor of Wired Japan, which he helmed until the parent magazine was sold to Conde Nast. Cyzo in print and on the web was launched to have a magazine which was a bit more free to truly speak to the people, to make access to information in Japan less restricted. This month it blew wide open the Star Wars censorship story, which previously had only been discussed in film critics’ blogs online.

Speaking of celebrity skin. This past May, there were a slew of rumors going around about Bai Ling aka Ling Bai, best known for her turn as Myca in The Crow. A Playboy spread of her appeared and she went to the press, claiming that George Lucas cut her from Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith possibly because of her nude pictorial. Credible sources suggest that this was just a publicity ruse. In fact, she only had four lines in the film to begin with and her Senator Bana Breemu character was cut along with Lucas’ own daughter because he felt the plot line they were in was distracting from the main storyline. Bai Ling’s bio is rife with somewhat extraordinary claims which are always mitigated somehow, such as the way she told the press that her Playboy appearance was “possibly” the reason for her being ousted from the newest Star Wars flick. She was associated with the democracy protests in Tiannamen Square. She spent three years in the People’s Liberation Army from age fourteen. She was in a mental hospital. She was a Chinese movie star before she was eighteen. She may never be able to return to her homeland because of her controversial appearance in the Red Corner thriller about a businessman framed for murder in China. I’m going to tell you right now that I think she is gorgeous and I completely believe the mental hospital part.

The original, the one, the only: Coming to a home near you is the newest release of Playskool’s Mr. Potato Head, featuring none other than Darth Vader as Darth Tater!

Playskool is proud to announce the launch of the new character, Darth Tater. Discover all kinds of mix ‘n match, Mr. Potato Head fun with this wacky spud dressed as Darth Vader. The package comes with lots of silly parts, including lightsaber, cape, helmet, shoes, eyes, nose, teeth and more! (via starwars.com)

It probably goes without saying that, if I were to purchase an Aurora: Star Wars Edition, it would most likely be the Dark Side version with sexy Darth all over it. Now that I think about it, wouldn’t it have been hot to have Ewan MacGregor be Darth?

Robert Lusk, vice president of sales and marketing for Alienware, has been touting the high end computer manufacturer’s new Star Wars licensing deal in the press this past week. Yes, Star Wars fans, it is true. You can now use the force of your Star Wars Platinum Card to purchase an Alienware desktop machine with lowrider airbrush style Star Wars art on the side, Star Wars desktop graphics and skins, and (as if you didn’t have this already) a membership in the Star Wars fan club. Not that having Ewan MacGregor’s light saber on the side of one’s machine would be anything but a good thing.