Anzen Senshi supposedly translates from Japanese to English as “Safety Warrior.” No idea if this is accurate, but I noticed these robot-themed condoms on Slashdong and I could not rest until I found where to buy them. Now that my primary prophylactic mission is accomplished, I may address my secondary goal of making sure as many people as possible are aware of their options for robot penis wear. Amen to the thought that clearly anyone who thinks otaku get no play are mistaken. Apparently they just don’t use birth control, unless a mecha robot transformer monster tells them to.

It is time to make resolutions for the new year. I have not decided on mine yet. Besides lose weight of course. But I’m thinking about resolving to make it to the next Robot Project at EXPO in Aichi, Japan. The Japanese are quite pervy by American standards, but I actually believe they will create and distribute robots with more functionality than simple human sex partner replacement. For example, they are working on robots which can clean, take out the trash, complete art projects, dance, and take care of kids and the elderly. Happy New Year.

I’ve written about a number of nonpenetrative Fucking Machines adjunct robots this month, but the really must-have Xmas gadget from the Fucking Machines engineers is the UPD. “The Universal Positioning Device, or UPD for short, gives a “pillow-soft” feel to even the most ridiculously heavy steel fucking machine. Balance this baby up, and the cock feels like it’s floating on air. The modified parallelogram linkage with pussy-seeking action keeps that cock rock-solid and pointed at that magic spot, ALL the time. Fucking models with the UPD means never having to say “okay, baby; enjoy yourself, but don’t move too much or you’ll get hurt”!”

UPD Specifications:
length on axis 186 cm (72″)
fork spread 61 cm (24″)
weight capacity 0 – 55 kg (0 – 120 lb)
working height 0 – 100 cm (0 – 40″) above floor

spring constant 0.5 N/cm (1/4 lb/in)
work envelope 93 cm (36″) horizontal
66 cm (26″) vertical
geometry modified parallelogram, with “pussy-seeking” action

Slashdong reminded me that I hadn’t talked about the Svedka robot babe yet. Los Angeles currently has its fair share of billboards featuring pinups of this fembot hottie. The concept is that, in the future, there is a brief new alcohol prohibition that only Svedka is courageous enough to continue distilling during. Svedka vodka and the Svedka robo-ho SVEDKA-Grl combine with legalized social smoking, re-legalized boozing, queer fashion, porn, paparazzi extermination, and free plastic surgery to take the party to the next level. Apparently Swedish vodka makers have seen the future and the future is West Hollywood. No fatties allowed, but that hot chick bot is quite sexy and, remember, plastic surgery is free in this future paradise. If you are young and effing hot, feel free to lie about your age to gain admission to the Svedka site.

Fans of girls in prison films rejoice. The machine sex people have a series featuring a jail set. Of course, while she is in bondage, the guard uses the nightstick on her, along with some robotic assistance. Cross-genre fun.

If you are going to have the Fuckzilla robot around to deploy your sex toys, you will probably need something like The Predator. I can’t show you what that is on the end of The Predator here, but you can check it out at this link and it is most likely what you would expect from a gently thrusting automated tool. Its vital statistics are listed as:

Max RPM: 300 Horsepower: 1/5
Min Stroke: 1″ Max Stroke: 6″
Torque: 2 NM
Strengths: Fully configurable. Smooth operation and variable stroke.
Weaknesses: Could lack power in some situations.

I showed the animation for this particular pleasure machine to my husband and the first thing it reminded him of was the movie Batteries Not Included. The idea of, err, Fuckzilla is that the robot will carry other sex machines around to actually do the dirty work.

In practical usage, a robot is a mechanical device which performs automated tasks, either according to direct human supervision, a pre-defined program or, a set of general guidelines, using artificial intelligence techniques. These tasks either replace or enhance human work, such as in manufacturing, construction or manipulation of heavy or hazardous materials.

A robot may include a feedback-driven connection between sense and action, not under direct human control. The action may take the form of electro-magnetic motors or actuators that move an arm, open and close grips, or propel the robot. The step by step control and feedback is provided by a computer program run on either an external or embedded computer or a microcontroller. By this definition, a robot may include nearly all automated devices. (via Wikipedia)

This site is a true triumph of technology and good old American know-how and ingenuity. The is based out of, where else, San Francisco and features a parade of sexually adventurous young things who are up for getting into a little machine loving. Although some machines are mass-produced items such as the Sybian, the vast majority of them appear to be “homemade” contraptions. The webmasters apparently even take site members’ suggestions for new and improved machinery with with to penetrate naked girls. Chairs, kitchen appliances, sofas, heavy industrial equipment, and sex toys galore, all are fair game for those who crave a mechanical partner. Kind of a simple concept, but a good one. Hotter than you might expect.