The Galactic Empire Times reports Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Vader Says. This hilariously genius article kicks off saying, “Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.” They just keep going on that theme and never drop character. I hope the Galactic Empire Times eventually reports on some other events. My favorite comment so far is from a poster named StormedTrooper who writes, “Why are we still giving aid to Tatooine? They probably knew of Kenobi’s existence the whole time and even helped him! That whole planet is just a big hive of scum and villainy.” Which is also very funny and my sexy Lord Vader looks mighty fine behind that podium. All of which begs the question of why exactly it is so easy to substitute Darth Vader’s Empire for USA there.
Obviously Star Wars is the best movie of all time and Darth Vader is the sexiest leading man of all time. Which means it deserves to be commemorated with observances more auspicious than a lisping pun. Get it? May the 4th [insert poor enunciation] May the Force . . . The whole May the 4th/May the Force pun is apparently officially sanctioned or perhaps even comes from Skywalker Ranch in the first place. But it is just wrong. Okay, I’m done now.
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I came across this Darth Vader cosplay shoot from God’s Girls. The thing about Star Wars cosplay (especially naked Star Wars cosplay) is that it is like pizza, even when it is not very good, it is still kind of awesome.
It is no secret that I have a huge-errific Darth Vader fetish. I’m not promising to start blogging again regularly, but I just had to mention this Darth Vader Sith Lord bank robber tidbit Amelia G from Blue Blood brought to my attention. A man robbed a Long Island branch of Chase wearing a Darth Vader costume. One customer, thinking it was a joke, tried to hug him. Had I been present, I would have been that customer.
A forthcoming movie called Goya’s Ghosts chronicles the life and times and painter Francisco Goya. It particularly focuses on a muse of his, played by Natalie Portman. Said muse gets accused of heresy by a monk. Supposedly nude torture scenes ensue. Yes, fanboys, Padme Amidala only gets naked if torture is involved. (Those of you who wish to bone up on electrodes to the vulva can head on over to Wired Pussy for an education.) Natalie Portman has an entry on Mr. Skin which still contains only sexy, bikini, and the coveted underwear rating. No nudity. Apparently, Darth Vader’s lover made the director of Closer leave nudies of her on the cutting room floor. So it remains to be seen whether torture is really enough of a motivator or whether Goya really has a ghost of a chance of a naked Nat.
Tonight is the Star Wars episode of The Apprentice. For those of you who have not taken note of anything not sf-related in the last couple of years, The Apprentice is a reality show starring Donald Trump. He and two of his top executives, George Ross and Carolyn Kepcher, judge a group of eighteen potential employees of the Trump organization. The contestants are split into two teams and each contestant takes a turn as project manager, as the teams compete on specific tasks. Tasks may include designing a float to promote the Zathura movie or running a lemonade stand. Over the time the show has been on the air, more and more tasks appear to have some sort of corporate sponsorship. I rather liked the more simple tasks which seemed like greater tests of the entrepreneurial spirit, but this week’s tie-in speaks to my heart. As most of you are aware, I am sincerely hot for sexy and bold Darth Vader. Seeing him and the Donald team up in the promo spots for tonight’s special show is giving me really disturbing double team fantasies. You can vote for your favorite promo spot on the NBC site now. The Darth side of the Force features Darth as the project manager on the Death Star project using the force to get one of the stormtroopers to take responsiblity for the poor marketing on that task. The Task of the Clones features Darth Vader in the Carolyn Kepcher executive role threatening to chop whichever stormtrooper contestant Donald Trump fires into tiny pieces with a light saber. And The Donald Strikes Back features Trump firing Chewbacca for speaking unclearly and having poor hygiene in the workplace. Chewie leaves trailing a little pink rolling suitcase into the elevator. They are all funny, but The Darth Side of the Force got my vote. There is nothing like a darkly sexy controlling man in an armored costume. At least, in fantasyland. In real life, I suppose Darth would be the painfully hot but insufferable old flame I told horror stories about. Thank goodness for fantasy.
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The original, the one, the only: Coming to a home near you is the newest release of Playskool’s Mr. Potato Head, featuring none other than Darth Vader as Darth Tater!
Playskool is proud to announce the launch of the new character, Darth Tater. Discover all kinds of mix ‘n match, Mr. Potato Head fun with this wacky spud dressed as Darth Vader. The package comes with lots of silly parts, including lightsaber, cape, helmet, shoes, eyes, nose, teeth and more! (via starwars.com)
It probably goes without saying that, if I were to purchase an Aurora: Star Wars Edition, it would most likely be the Dark Side version with sexy Darth all over it. Now that I think about it, wouldn’t it have been hot to have Ewan MacGregor be Darth?
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