Dear sexy nerdlings, do you find your Apple Watch just isn’t cutting it for you anymore? Were your Google Glasses lacking a certain something? Well, if you are unaware of the beauty that is the crowdfunded Ambrosia Vibe, let me introduce you to a glorious little company called Orgasmatronics (“more science, less pants”). Sexy mathematicians and scientists have noted for years that sex is really just a series of oscillations, and that vibrations can be plotted as a series of waves, but Dr. X. Treme and his team have mapped out the algorithms that generate algorhythms, if you’ll pardon the terrible pun, and can translate the stimulation of one object into vibrations emitted by another. With that they’ve created a toy that doesn’t just blindly generate sensation according to a scaled setting, but is touch-responsive enough to feel changes to pressure and motion, and uses that information to alter the vibratory patterns.
We’re talking bionic strap-ons here, folks.
Personally, I’m a huge fan of the uncanny valley, because I think all sex ought to be at least a little weird in order to be really fun. And then these guys go and ratchet up the fun AND sexiness by not only using math and science to improve sex, but they also made the product open source and tell you how to build your own. Even better, they now sell the Master Beta kit, which gives you all the tools you need to hack their system.
They’re now on version 2.0 of the Ambrosia, so check out their website for some pretty sweet discounts.